In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both of views and give...

Question

There is a two-side opinion chain about making money. Some people believe that it is good for a nation to earn high salaries while others think that the authority should regulate incomes and narrow the number of people can earn high salaries in the opposition. I side with the former and this essay will present my opinion about this phenomenon.

Narrowing the quantity of people can earn high salaries is given by many people because it can make the income gap between the lower salary and the higher one bigger. For example, sales managers can earn a basic salary level up to 20 million dong per month while sales staffs might take one up to 8 or 10 million dong per month. This leads to the earning distance is quite large and perhaps decrease the working motivation of selling staffs guiding to quit recent jobs to seek higher-earning works. Furthermore, it affects to the enterprise budget as well when appearing many workers can make high incomes. For example, companies can spend earned profit investing the product promotion, marketing or social activities as well to grow the trading efficient in stead of paying high wages for workers.

By contrast, I agree with the former opinion showing that some people can get extremely high incomes increasing the prosperity of a country. It is clear that workers can earn a lot of money means that they get high expertise skills and scholarly knowledge. Their jobs might motivate the development of nations because they create certain products and achievements for the society. Tesla is a good example for this. He can get a enormous income with creating technological products such as rocket, smart cars,… and it also helps America to develop much more than other nations in terms of the technological automobile. Besides, earning a lot of money help them to improve and upgrade their living better. For instance, they can buy what they want without the money concerns. They can control their life themselves.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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TOPIC:

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both of views and give...

Copy the complete instructions accurately. Instructions are necessary to evaluate task completion.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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AlpheccaStars · Answer

1. Your essay was mostly off-topic.

It is not about people who earn middle-income salaries compared to those entry-level workers. It is about the extremely rich people who can afford luxury Porsches and mansions and fantastic holiday trips to the French Riviera or skiing lodges in Switzerland.

2. You wrote more than 330 words.

The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even contradict yourself.

Fourth, you will take a lot of time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time to spend on Task 1, and get a lower score there.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

3. You had quite a few grammatical errors. Be careful of singular versus plural forms.

4. Your paragraph structure was not good. There is no summary paragraph.

The conclusion paragraph must be brief, and only summarize the main points of the body paragraphs.

There is a two-side opinion chain (That does not make sense. ) about making money. Some people believe that it is good for a nation to have high-earners ~~earn high salaries~~ while others think that the authority should regulate incomes and ~~narrow~~ limit the number of people can earn high salaries (Ungrammatical clause structure. You cannot use a main clause as the object of a preposition.) ~~in the opposition.~~ (That makes no sense. It is also off-topic. The topic is about the salaries that people earn, not about the number of people in the highest income bracket.) I side with the former ~~and this essay will present my opinion about this phenomenon.~~

Never mention your essay. The examiner knows what an essay is. They know the instructions. They know that you will write your opinion. Instead, give a thesis statement - your opinion and a very brief mention of your main points.

Narrowing the quantity (wrong word) of people can earn high salaries (Ungrammatical clause structure. You cannot use a main clause as the object of a preposition. It is also repetitive. You just wrote this clause in the first paragraph.) ) is given by many people because it can make the income gap between the lower salary and the higher one bigger. (That is contrary to your argument. Generally, it is considered unfair and unjust to have a large difference between the highest and lowest salaries. ) For example, sales managers can earn a basic salary of ~~level~~ up to 20 million dong per month while sales staffs (Wrong form. See below.) might make less than half of that, ~~take~~ one up to 8 or 10 million dong per month. This leads to the earning distance is quite large (Ungrammatical clause structure. You cannot use a main clause as the object of a preposition.) and perhaps decrease (wrong form) the ~~working~~ motivation of selling staffs (wrong form) guiding (wrong word) to quit their ~~recent~~ jobs to seek higher-earning works. Furthermore, it affects to the enterprise budget as well when ~~appearing~~ many workers can make high incomes. For example, companies can spend their profits ~~earned~~ ~~profit~~ investing in ~~the~~ product promotion, marketing or social activities as well to grow the trading efficient (This does not make sense.) in stead (wrong form) of paying high wages for workers. (This entire paragraph is off-topic.)

By contrast, I agree with the former opinion (The reference is too distant for the reader. Former / latter must directly follow the text that you are referencing. Also, do not mention your opinion in the body paragraphs. Put that idea in the introduction and conclusion. The body paragraphs are only for arguments that support your position.) ~~showing~~ that some people can get extremely high incomes which increase ~~increasing~~ the prosperity of a country. It is clear that workers can earn a lot of money means that they get high expertise skills (Ungrammatical clause structure. What is the subject of the verb "means?" A sentence cannot be the subject of a verb.) and scholarly knowledge. Their jobs might motivate the development of nations because they create certain products and achievements for the society. Tesla is a good example for this. He (wrong usage. Tesla is not a person who earns an income.) can get a enormous income with (wrong word) creating technological (wrong word) products such as rocket, smart cars,… (Never use ellipses or "etc." in formal essays.) and it also helps America to develop much more than other nations in terms of the technological (wrong word) automobile. Besides, earning a lot of money help them to improve and upgrade their living better. For instance, they can buy what they want without ~~the~~ money concerns. They can control their life (wrong form) themselves.

Advice for Task 2 essays.

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both of views and give...

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