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AzeF Posted 16 years ago
Grammar
Improvements/Suggestions Please
Hello everyone, I need help to rephrase/correct this sentence. This sentence is just not putting forth the ideas.
I actually want to say that the candidate has good leadership, analytical, decision making ability and has done an MBA; which when combined make him an ideal candidate for public health program whihc the candidate plans on taking and majoring in health management and policy sciences.
Could you suggest improvements/corrections?
Thank you
The paragraph is:
ABCs potential for leadership, decision making ability, along with her business background makes her the most ideal candidate for your program, where he is planning to major in management & health policy sciences.
I actually want to say that the candidate has good leadership, analytical, decision making ability and has done an MBA; which when combined make him an ideal candidate for public health program whihc the candidate plans on taking and majoring in health management and policy sciences.
Could you suggest improvements/corrections?
Thank you
The paragraph is:
ABCs potential for leadership, decision making ability, along with her business background makes her the most ideal candidate for your program, where he is planning to major in management & health policy sciences.
Top answer
ABC holds an MBA in [insert precise field] and has good l eadership, analytical, and decision-making abilities. He is an ideal candidate for your Public Health program, in which he hopes to major in Health Management and Policy Sciences.
- ABC holds an MBA in [insert precise field] and has good l eadership, analytical, and decision-making abilities.
- He is an ideal candidate for your Public Health program, in which he hopes to major in Health Management and Policy Sciences.
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10 Answers
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ABC holds an MBA in [insert precise field] and has good leadership, analytical, and decision-making abilities. He is an ideal candidate for your Public Health program, in which he hopes to major in Health Management and Policy Sciences.
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Thank you Sir for your help/ Is it OK if I PM you the letter to have a look at? for any other possible changes. Just a quick glance?
If not, could you please have a look at this paragraph and suggest changes:
ABC's s analytical and intellectual skills were amply displayed in the project thesis he completed as part of her degree program. His project thesis involved co
If not, could you please have a look at this paragraph and suggest changes:
ABC's s analytical and intellectual skills were amply displayed in the project thesis he completed as part of her degree program. His project thesis involved co
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Oh sorry, while using my word to change his to her, It has not worked quite good enough:
ABC's s analytical and intellectual skills were amply displayed in the project thesis she completed as part of her degree program. Her project thesis involved collection, analysis and, interpretation of data. She received an excellent grade for her project thesis work.
I wonder why the previ
ABC's s analytical and intellectual skills were amply displayed in the project thesis she completed as part of her degree program. Her project thesis involved collection, analysis and, interpretation of data. She received an excellent grade for her project thesis work.
I wonder why the previ
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It has code because you wrote it in Word or some other software and then pasted it all here formatted.
Too many words, too many adjectives:
ABC's analytical skills were displayed in her project thesis for her degree program.
The rest of what you wrote was just stuffing. I agree that you should add some detail, but it must be graphic and specific: 'S
Too many words, too many adjectives:
ABC's analytical skills were displayed in her project thesis for her degree program.
The rest of what you wrote was just stuffing. I agree that you should add some detail, but it must be graphic and specific: 'S
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Oh sorry, I should have copied from notebook instead of word.
Thanks for the correction, but the reason I put the other adjectives, was because the program she is applying for deals with dat and I was hoping to fit in the analysis and interpretation of data.
This letter should have been written by the recommender but sadly he asked her to write it and send in.
Would it
Thanks for the correction, but the reason I put the other adjectives, was because the program she is applying for deals with dat and I was hoping to fit in the analysis and interpretation of data.
This letter should have been written by the recommender but sadly he asked her to write it and send in.
Would it
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Need to learn my way around here, I thought I was logged in. The above response is mine.
Thank you
Thank you
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Virtually all theses include "the collection, analysis and interpretation of data", so you are saying absolutely nothing useful there. As I said, more detail is needed, but it should be clear and specific examples.
Please post any questions you have on the open forums. I do not edit privately except for money.
Please post any questions you have on the open forums. I do not edit privately except for money.
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Thanks a lot! Appreciate your answers.
How/where can I know about your charges for editing? I would like to know.
Thank you a lot.
(If I post the whole letter here, will you consider looking at that?
I actually paid for a editing service and all they did was put in a few synonyoums, I had found the site through collegecrunch site)
How/where can I know about your charges for editing? I would like to know.
Thank you a lot.
(If I post the whole letter here, will you consider looking at that?
I actually paid for a editing service and all they did was put in a few synonyoums, I had found the site through collegecrunch site)
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My contact information is in my Profile. I or someone else will probably look at your letter posted here if it is not dauntingly long.
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