Improvement on writing

This is a practice on report writing for the recommendation on the one-day learning journey.

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Question given: Your teacher has asked for your recommendations on a one-day learning journey to be held during the june vacation. The objective of the trip is to allow the class to gain a deeper knowledge and appreciation of Biology and History. Your teacher has shortlisted 4 places. ...

Set your report out correctly, in clear, accurate English , and use persuasive tone to convince your teacher that the choice is the best recommendation.

To: Miss Huda
From: YCC

5th October 2008

Dear Miss Huda

RE: Recommendations for the one-day learning Journey

I have considered the four places which you have shortlisted. The four places are remarkable and I sincerely hoped to be able to visit all four places. However, I believe that the Zoo Management Tour and the Changi WW2 will be the best options for the one-day learning journey.

Firstly, a visit to the Singapore Zoo will satisfy one of the objective of the learning journey. It allows the class to learn more and appreciate biology as Singapore Zoo is well-known for its endangered species breeding programme, open plan concept and public education programme. Futhermore, an animal specialist will be giving us a tour and briefing on the reasons for implementing these programmes. Students can then gain knowledge and better understanding towards the animals.

To add one, Singapore Zoo allows students to observe animals' playful antics and feeding habits. The animals interesting behaviour will definitely appeal to many students. They will not only be able to listen to the fascinating facts about the animals but also be able to see real life evidences. I believe the memories and the fun-filled experiences, they will have, will be imprinted in their mind for a very long time. Not only can they have fun, but be able to benefit from this Learning Journey.

As for the visit to Changi WW2, it will educate the students more on the history of Singapore, which is the next objective of the Journey. This tour commemorates the fighting spirit of men and women during World War II and internment. Changi was once a site of many prison camps (POW) during the Japanese Occupation. Students will be able to tour the places where the Japanese soldiers once set foot on. According to the given list of places covered during the tour. Changi beach, which was the site of the Sook Ching Massacre, will be visited where poor souls and helpless cries once filled that place. This way, students can learn more in depth on the sufferings and fear people lived during the war.

On top of that, students are allowed to visit one of the Changi Prison camp. This will be an eye-opener for the students as for the first time, they will be able to feel the horror of war and of being enclosed in a prison. The experiences they gained will teach them the moral values of compassion and also that war is not just a game, but instead, is a game of life and death.

To conclude, these two places the class will be visiting will definitely enrich the lives of the students and allow them to gain a deeper knowledge and appreciation for Biology and History. I must say, I look forward to this day of the one-day Learning Journey.

Signature

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Please correct me for the mistakes! Haha! How can I make it a formal letter writing yet friendly letter. hmmm... And how should I improve on the sentences and the organisation of ideas in a clearer and better way? Should my sentences be varied more? Is it too long? There are so many questions ! I need your guidance!

Thank you so much!