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PreciousJones Posted 14 years ago
Grammar
Important formal letter
Can someone please take the time to proofread this letter to me. I know it's very long and ready, but your help will be very appreciated. Thank you!
The one year I was a student at XYZ from Spring 2005 to Fall 2005 was probably the darkest and worst part of my life that I can remember. I experienced discrimination from a group of guys I barely knew and had to live with fear and apprehension on a daily basis when. I remember even to this day that the bully intentionally dusted cookie crumbs on me in Sociology class. I thought to myself, how I could be so lucky to be stuck in the same class as one of these guys. How can anyone to do well under the circumstances I was in every other day? And it showed very clearly on my student record that I’m not a bad student, because if I managed to get B’s in two relatively difficult summer online courses, there had got to be a good reason why I had failed a basic Sociology course. By the time I decided to leave XYZ I had gone to my advisor to seek counseling and advice to hopefully help reprimand my situation, but he simply turned me away and ignored what I told him. At that moment, I realized that XYZ was not the school for me anymore and that I had to move out of Stockton for good. After a couple weeks after my departure, I discussed my incident with my family and friends and they suggested that I contacted the XYZ administration office, which was what I had initially planned to do anyway. After a few email exchanges with a XYZ staff member, again I was neglected and treated as if this whole thing was a joke! I was appalled, confused and angry, but decided the best thing for me to do was to seek advice from a discrimination attorney. I’m a man of belief and faith in which I honestly feel that there’s a plan for everyone on this earth and things do happen for a reason. As I was pursuing legal help for this discrimination case, I got a call from a friend, who offered me to join his medical equipment company overseas and he sold me on it, so I decided to drop everything, because I wanted to move on with my life.
It’s been almost seven years since this incident and now I am back in California, a better person. During those seven years away I have not once stopped thinking about the cruel treatment I received from XYZ and it is something I have to give off my mind and conscience. I need to finally erase and close this terrible chapter in my life once and for all! If you have any questions or comments regarding this incident, please ask me and I will be more than happy to assist you. This time around I will not and cannot shun away from this matter, because it’s too deep of a cut and it’s got to be justified. I am here to stay and I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Thank you for your time and look forward to hearing from you soon.
The one year I was a student at XYZ from Spring 2005 to Fall 2005 was probably the darkest and worst part of my life that I can remember. I experienced discrimination from a group of guys I barely knew and had to live with fear and apprehension on a daily basis when. I remember even to this day that the bully intentionally dusted cookie crumbs on me in Sociology class. I thought to myself, how I could be so lucky to be stuck in the same class as one of these guys. How can anyone to do well under the circumstances I was in every other day? And it showed very clearly on my student record that I’m not a bad student, because if I managed to get B’s in two relatively difficult summer online courses, there had got to be a good reason why I had failed a basic Sociology course. By the time I decided to leave XYZ I had gone to my advisor to seek counseling and advice to hopefully help reprimand my situation, but he simply turned me away and ignored what I told him. At that moment, I realized that XYZ was not the school for me anymore and that I had to move out of Stockton for good. After a couple weeks after my departure, I discussed my incident with my family and friends and they suggested that I contacted the XYZ administration office, which was what I had initially planned to do anyway. After a few email exchanges with a XYZ staff member, again I was neglected and treated as if this whole thing was a joke! I was appalled, confused and angry, but decided the best thing for me to do was to seek advice from a discrimination attorney. I’m a man of belief and faith in which I honestly feel that there’s a plan for everyone on this earth and things do happen for a reason. As I was pursuing legal help for this discrimination case, I got a call from a friend, who offered me to join his medical equipment company overseas and he sold me on it, so I decided to drop everything, because I wanted to move on with my life.
It’s been almost seven years since this incident and now I am back in California, a better person. During those seven years away I have not once stopped thinking about the cruel treatment I received from XYZ and it is something I have to give off my mind and conscience. I need to finally erase and close this terrible chapter in my life once and for all! If you have any questions or comments regarding this incident, please ask me and I will be more than happy to assist you. This time around I will not and cannot shun away from this matter, because it’s too deep of a cut and it’s got to be justified. I am here to stay and I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Thank you for your time and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Top answer
Hi, Let's assume that I am the person you are writing this letter to. Where in this letter do you tell me why you are writing to me? Where in this letter do you tell me what you want me to do?
- Hi, Let's assume that I am the person you are writing this letter to.
- Where in this letter do you tell me why you are writing to me?
- Where in this letter do you tell me what you want me to do?
- You need to tell me these two things clearly at the start of the letter.
- Clive
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5 Answers
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Hi,
Let's assume that I am the person you are writing this letter to.
Where in this letter do you tell me why you are writing to me?
Where in this letter do you tell me what you want me to do?
Let's assume that I am the person you are writing this letter to.
Where in this letter do you tell me why you are writing to me?
Where in this letter do you tell me what you want me to do?
00
CliveHi,Let's assume that I am the person you are writing this letter to.Where in this letter do you tell me why you are writing to me?Where in this letter do you tell me what you want me to do?You need to tell me these two things clearly at the start of the letter.CliveI am writing this letter because she asked me to put my words in text.
Even thou
00
Hi,
Then say those things clearly in an introductory paragraph at the beginning.
You also need to organize your points in some way. As you have presently written this letter, it makes the reader think that you are unable to organize your thoughts clearly.
Then say those things clearly in an introductory paragraph at the beginning.
You also need to organize your points in some way. As you have presently written this letter, it makes the reader think that you are unable to organize your thoughts clearly.
00
CliveHi,Then say those things clearly in an introductory paragraph at the beginning.You also need to organize your points in some way. As you have presently written this letter, it makes the reader think that you are unable to organize your thoughts clearly.You could haveeg a paragraph about your studies and your marks.eg a paragraph about your treatment by fellow student
00
Hi,
I don't want to, because *** all needs to be rewritten. Sorry.
If you want to be formal, don't use contractions like I'm.
Clive
I don't want to, because *** all needs to be rewritten. Sorry.
If you want to be formal, don't use contractions like I'm.
Clive
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