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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Letter Writing
Important email
Anyone who is good at English writing, please check grammars and fix this important email. thank you!!
My name is blah blah, currently in Bachelor of Arts in Business Management Program. Due to job hunting in Japan I was planning to go back to Japan during the spring break for job interviews and recruiting fairs as the Japanese system of companies hiring simultaneously to recruit new university graduates during spring to fall and students hunt for jobs before graduating university, seeking "informal offers of employment", which will hopefully lead to "formal offer of employment", to secure a promise of employment for April in 2016. Hiring new graduates is a really important practice for companies in Japan. The recruitment usually happens from Spring to Fall. However March will be the only chance for me to go back to Japan to hunt jobs since I have an internship in June to fall. There are important recruiting fairs which, unfortunately, happens to take place during the field trip. I am taking this field trip seriously. However if I do not get a job in Japan as a new graduate this year, it will be very hard for me to get an official job after. I was wondering if it would be possible to miss the field trip or leave earlier and if I am able to make up any work that will be assigned during the week. I apologize for any inconveniences. I hope that you will kindly take into consideration. I would appreciate it if you could reply as soon as possible.
Sincerely,"
My name is blah blah, currently in Bachelor of Arts in Business Management Program. Due to job hunting in Japan I was planning to go back to Japan during the spring break for job interviews and recruiting fairs as the Japanese system of companies hiring simultaneously to recruit new university graduates during spring to fall and students hunt for jobs before graduating university, seeking "informal offers of employment", which will hopefully lead to "formal offer of employment", to secure a promise of employment for April in 2016. Hiring new graduates is a really important practice for companies in Japan. The recruitment usually happens from Spring to Fall. However March will be the only chance for me to go back to Japan to hunt jobs since I have an internship in June to fall. There are important recruiting fairs which, unfortunately, happens to take place during the field trip. I am taking this field trip seriously. However if I do not get a job in Japan as a new graduate this year, it will be very hard for me to get an official job after. I was wondering if it would be possible to miss the field trip or leave earlier and if I am able to make up any work that will be assigned during the week. I apologize for any inconveniences. I hope that you will kindly take into consideration. I would appreciate it if you could reply as soon as possible.
Sincerely,"
Top answer
I just have time to offer you a few quick comments on structure. Sorry, your email seems to me very rambling and disorganized. The reader of an email first wants to know what you want him to do.
- I just have time to offer you a few quick comments on structure.
- Sorry, your email seems to me very rambling and disorganized.
- The reader of an email first wants to know what you want him to do.
- eg Do you want him to give you permission to do or not do something?.
- Put that clearly in a brief paragraph at the beginning.
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2 Answers
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I just have time to offer you a few quick comments on structure.
Sorry, your email seems to me very rambling and disorganized.
The reader of an email first wants to know what you want him to do. eg Do you want him to give you permission to do or not do something?. Put that clearl
Sorry, your email seems to me very rambling and disorganized.
The reader of an email first wants to know what you want him to do. eg Do you want him to give you permission to do or not do something?. Put that clearl
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Hi , I really want to help but I cannot understand what you want to say in your sentences. Try to write the letter with small and clear sentences. You should try to follow the structure 'subject-verb-object'. You can also search for a pattern in the web so as to rewrite almost the same letter .
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