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Sarahaiman Posted 17 years ago
Grammar
I'm trying....
to improve my writing skills.
So i would really appreciate it if anyone can help me with my grammar.
I wrote this :
It's hard for her to tell how much she misses him.
On the phone,
He says : I miss you terribly.
Silence.
Only a thank-you could be heard not long after.
She doesn't say : I miss you too.
There was only silence.
Something was filling her lungs. Perhaps it was anticipation.
Tense.
Nervous.
or Clueless.
Don't you miss me,he asks.
She paused. Didn't even utter a word.
Then, she nods her head. Vigorously.
Forgetting, that he could not see her.
Yes, she says, I do miss you.
If that is so, then why don't you say it, he asks, tell me that you miss me.
She could sense.
She knows.
That in him, there's doubt. Growing like a cancer in his body. Killing him. Eating him.
One at a time.
He needs certainty. and she's giving him everything else but that.
The way he sounds on the phone when he is trying to hide his feeling from her.
The way he says : It doesn't matter.
When the truth is, they both know it does.
Words do matter.
At least, at certain time.
Before hanging up,
they exchange good-bye's.
Then, she feels regret.
Hating herself. For not telling him.
How much she misses him.
Damn.
Telling herself : Tomorrow. I'll call him. And I'll tell him how much I miss him.
Slowly,
Her lips curls upwards and turns into a smile.
Please correct me if I'm wrong.
So i would really appreciate it if anyone can help me with my grammar.
I wrote this :
It's hard for her to tell how much she misses him.
On the phone,
He says : I miss you terribly.
Silence.
Only a thank-you could be heard not long after.
She doesn't say : I miss you too.
There was only silence.
Something was filling her lungs. Perhaps it was anticipation.
Tense.
Nervous.
or Clueless.
Don't you miss me,he asks.
She paused. Didn't even utter a word.
Then, she nods her head. Vigorously.
Forgetting, that he could not see her.
Yes, she says, I do miss you.
If that is so, then why don't you say it, he asks, tell me that you miss me.
She could sense.
She knows.
That in him, there's doubt. Growing like a cancer in his body. Killing him. Eating him.
One at a time.
He needs certainty. and she's giving him everything else but that.
The way he sounds on the phone when he is trying to hide his feeling from her.
The way he says : It doesn't matter.
When the truth is, they both know it does.
Words do matter.
At least, at certain time.
Before hanging up,
they exchange good-bye's.
Then, she feels regret.
Hating herself. For not telling him.
How much she misses him.
Damn.
Telling herself : Tomorrow. I'll call him. And I'll tell him how much I miss him.
Slowly,
Her lips curls upwards and turns into a smile.
Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Top answer
Nice writing flair! I made some minor tweaks, following your style. Here goes: It's hard for her to tell him how much she misses him.
- Nice writing flair!
- I made some minor tweaks, following your style.
- Here goes: It's hard for her to tell him how much she misses him.
- On the phone, he says: I miss you terribly.
- Silence.
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2 Answers
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Nice writing flair! I made some minor tweaks, following your style. Here goes:
It's hard for her to tell him how much she misses him.
On the phone,
he says: I miss you terribly.
Silence.
Only a thank-you could be heard not long after.
But she doesn't say: I miss you too.
Then: more silence.
Something was filling inside her. Perhaps
It's hard for her to tell him how much she misses him.
On the phone,
he says: I miss you terribly.
Silence.
Only a thank-you could be heard not long after.
But she doesn't say: I miss you too.
Then: more silence.
Something was filling inside her. Perhaps
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