I'm translating my book to english need help correcting?

Question

Could you please help me correct these sentences I've translated from french.

1 Starting to feel stressed out/I'm starting to stress out.
2 No one was waiting for me at the station so I didn't have to let anyone know of my late being.
3 Once again, I weigh the pros and cons of leaving, despite the fact (in spite of) that I always came to the same conclusion every time.
3 My wanting to change lives and take a break from this one was what consolidated my choice.
4 Although I knew it would be hard to leave everything behind, to leave without knowing what awaited me, I had to
5 Just as I was about to close my eyes in an attempt to fall asleep, I saw a a sign
6 The fresh air from the sea stood in stark contrast to heat of the city.
7 I was to leave at 8pm, heading towards LA by train. The train ride passed by fast.
8 I asked her what the next stop was/which one the next stop was.

Thank you

Free_spirit · Accepted Answer

1 Starting to feel stressed out/I'm starting to stress out. - Both are "correct", I would need to know more context to help you with that. "Starting to feel stressed out" really needs a subject, such as "I'm starting to feel stressed out."

2 No one was waiting for me at the station so I didn't have to let anyone know of my late being.

"No one was waiting for me at the station, so I didn't have to let anyone know I was late." (or "... know I was going to be late" or "...know I was arriving late")

3 Once again, I weigh the pros and cons of leaving, despite the fact ~~(in spite of)~~ that I always came to the same conclusion ~~every time~~.

or " Once again, I weigh the pros and cons of leaving, despite the fact that I came to the same conclusion every time." (maybe also the "came" should be "come" ... it depends on the tense used in surrounding sentences etc).

3 My wanting to change lives and take a break from this one was what consolidated my choice. [reads okay to me, although the initial "My" can be dropped, as it can be assumed by the "my choice" at the end]

4 Although I knew it would be hard to leave everything behind, to leave without knowing what awaited me, I had to [reads ok to me - I assume a fullstop goes on the end of the sentence, or it continues?]

5 Just as I was about to close my eyes in an attempt to fall asleep, I saw a a sign

6 ~~The fresh air from the sea stood in stark contrast to heat of the city.~~ [that's ok]

7 I was to leave at 8pm, heading towards LA by train. The train ride passed by fast. [That reads ok, although I find the second sentence a little too ambiguos in English, as we could say a "train passes us by" ... I would suggest rewording it somehow, maybe something like "The train ride was soon over." It is a little difficult to make better suggestions without the context of the paragraph.

8 I asked her what the next stop was/which one the next stop was.

I hope that helps a little. It is difficult for me to comment too much without reading the entire paragraphs.

Alc24 · Answer

Hello,

Thank you for the help,

I had a question,

Is 6 correct?

and for 8 is "I asked her which one was the next stop" OK? but you can't say "which one the next stop was???

Thank you so much

Doctor D · Answer

Here is another take on your sentences.

1 Starting to feel stressed out/I'm starting to stress out.
I am starting to feel stressed out.

2 No one was waiting for me at the station so I didn't have to let anyone know of my late being.
No one was waiting for me at the station, so I didn't have to alert anyone that I would be late.

3 Once again, I weigh the pros and cons of leaving, despite the fact (in spite of) that I always came to the same conclusion every time.
Once again, I weighed the pros and cons of leaving, yet I always came to the same conclusion. (in the past? or in the present?)

3 My wanting to change lives and take a break from this one was what consolidated my choice.
My desire to change my life, to take a break from this one, helped consolidate my choice.

4 Although I knew it would be hard to leave everything behind, to leave without knowing what awaited me, I had to go.

5 Just as I was about to close my eyes in an attempt to fall asleep, I saw a a sign. (Add period).

6 The fresh air from the sea stood in stark contrast to the heat of the city.

7 I was to leave at 8pm, heading towards LA by train. The train ride passed by ~~fast~~. quickly.

8 I asked her what the next stop was~~/which one the next stop was~~.

Odysseus · Answer

1. I'm starting to feel stressed out.
2. Since no one was waiting for me at the station, it didn't matter that I was late.
3-1. Despite repeatedly weighing the pros and cons of leaving, I always come to the same conclusion.
You have two number "3's" in your original post and nine total sentences.

3-2. The strong desire for change in my life lead me to this decision.
4. I knew that leaving everything behind would be hard, and I knew that I had to go; however, I didn't know what awaited me.

5. Just as I closed my eyes to fall asleep, I saw a sign.

You start out by referring to the freshness of the air but then contrast it with the heat of the city. Forgive my ignorance on the proper terminology used to describe this minor error, but it isn't commonly accepted. I have rewritten the sentence using more appropriate comparisons.

6a. The fresh air from the sea stood in stark contrast to the dank air of the city.
6b. The cool air from the sea stood in stark contrast to the heat of the city.

7. My train to LA would leave at 8pm. The ride passed by quickly.

8. I asked her the name of the next stop.

I hope this has been helpful. Best of luck with your future writings.

Anonymous · Answer

I am not sure if you realize that your writing style and use of sentence structure are quite awkward, if not stiff. People do not speak or verbalize like that. If you want to use English naturally, do more reading and try to learn the natural speech patterns.

I'm translating my book to english need help correcting?

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