I'm going to retake the ielts test so please help me with my essay

This is the topic.

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Childhood obesity is increasing at rapid rates in developed countries.

What are some of the causes of this problem? What are some ways in which childhood obesity rates can be reduced?

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Please help me correct wherever you find necessary. Thank you so much in advance.

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In advanced countries, the number of obese children are growing quickly. There are some main reasons that lead to this issue that can be solved if people take drastic actions.

The main cause is that children in modern societies especially in developed countries are often provided with too much fast food. Their parents do not have time to cook for them so they buy takeaways from restaurants which is added more ingredidents to make its taste, smell and look more pleasant. For example, the amount of fat in fast food is often much higher than in home-cooked food. These adundant substances bring about excessive calories which storage as body fat.

Another reason is that there is a lack of physical activities in children. Kids in modern countries spend most time being indoors. For example, they go to school in the morning where there is not much time for exercising. Then after school, they return home, carry on playing video games or using computers while their parents are out, busy working or doing household chores.

There is a strategy that helps bring down the rate of young people obesity. First, they need a healthy diet which means their food should be home-cooked so the calories they consume can be controlled. Second, they should be encouraged to take part in healthy activities like sports rather than just sit still. For example, parents cook for their children instead of buying takeout food. After school, children may be allowed to go out playing with their friends, or help with the housework.

In summary, to decrease the number of overweight people under 18 years old in developed countries, people should be aware of the role of healthy food and physical workouts in children’s life. Also, they must take radical acts in order to lower the rate.