ILETS WRITING TASK 1

Question

Please give feedbacks and help me point out the mistakes and give me a band score too! Thank you so much!The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.The pie graph compares the proportion of five categories of books, namely adult fiction, travel, children’s fiction, and others consumed by a bookseller over forty years since 1972.As can be seen from the graph, while the sale of fiction books rose sharply, the opposite is true of others. Additionally, the most popular type of books was adult fiction over the period. In 1972, while adult fiction books accounted for 20% of the consumption, which was matched by that with children’s fiction and biography books, the percentage of travel books and others were 15% and 25% respectively. In 1992, travel books were more favored and the figure for that increased to 18%. Fiction books for kids went up by 2% and other fiction books accounted for exactly a quarter of the total. However, the percentage of biography books and others decreased equally, which was 5%.In the year 2012, the figure for adult fiction books reached a peak when increasing dramatically by 5%, the figure for children’s fiction books continued to rise at 25%. However, biography books became less popular, constituted 8% of the total, whereas the proportion of travel books and others observed a similar remarkable decline of 8%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The pie graph (Incorrect. First, the name is wrong and second, is there only one pie chart?) compares the proportion of five categories of books, namely adult fiction, travel, children’s fiction, and others consumed (Does this man eat books?) by a bookseller over (wrong word. There is no data for each year, e.g. 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975...2012. Give the reader an exact description of the time points) forty years since 1972.

You need to make your paragraphing more obvious. Add a blank line after each one.

~~As can be seen from the graph~~, (Wasted words. Graph is incorrect. The reader knows what you are looking at.) while the sale of fiction books rose sharply, (That word is appropriate for a line graph. It is not good when you have only 3 data points.) the opposite is true of others. Additionally, the most popular type of books was adult fiction over the period.
In 1972, while adult fiction books accounted for 20% of the consumption, (We do not eat books, do we?) which was matched by that with children’s fiction and biography books, the percentage of travel books and others were 15% and 25% respectively. In 1992, travel books were more favored and the ~~figure~~ (wrong word) sales for that increased to 18%. Fiction books for kids (Bad use of synonym.) went up by 2% and other fiction books accounted for exactly a quarter of the total. However, the percentage of biography books and others decreased equally, ~~which was~~ 5%.
In the year 2012, the figure (wrong word) for adult fiction books reached a peak (wrong word -read my advice. There are no peaks in this figure.) when increasing dramatically (wrong word) by 5%, the figure (wrong word) for children’s fiction books continued to rise at (wrong word) 25%. However, biography books became less popular, constituted (wrong verb form) 8% of the total, whereas the proportion of travel books and others observed a similar ~~remarkable~~ (opinion word. Do not use such words in Task 1.) decline of 8%.

Model essay

The three pie charts, labelled 1972, 1992 and 2012, break down the sales of a bookseller into four specific categories, namely, two types of fiction, adult and children, and two types of nonfiction, biography and travel. There is a fifth category for all other types of books, named "Other".

Overall, the sales became more concentrated into adult fiction in 2012 as compared with 1972. Children's fiction showed the least change. These four categories became more dominant; the "others" category was much reduced in volume.

In detail, forty percent of the total was for fiction in 1972, equally divided between books for adults and children. In 1992, this had increased to just under half (47%), and by 2012, 70% was devoted to fiction, 45% for adults and 25% for children. Children's fiction sales volume was fairly consistent, ranging between 20% and 25%. The "other" category diminished substantially between 1972, when it amounted to a quarter of sales, and 2012, when it was a little over a tenth. Sales of non-fiction books dropped by about 50%; they were 35% in 1972 compared to 18% in 2012.

ILETS WRITING TASK 1

Please give feedbacks and help me point out the mistakes and give me a band score too! Thank you so much!

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