If wishes were horses

Question

A fellow from Mexico said to me today, "If my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bicycle." It was used in the context wherein an English speaker might say, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

My brother used to say, "If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he jumped." It was funny when I was a kid.
I'm wondering now, though, what other idioms there are, either in English or in other languages which folks here speak, that are analogous to these. Does anyone have more?

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]A fellow from Mexico said to me today, "If my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bicycle." It was ... either in English or in other languages which folks here speak, that are analogous to these. Does anyone have more?[/nq]
Several years ago I was in a class in the Netherlands, with mostly Dutch attendees and a few Americans, and a first-time teacher from the States. He was explaining the wide range of options available to set up the database software we were learning about, and he used the expression that "there's more than one way to skin a cat".

My Dutch partner was writing all this down, and I could see him frown as he tried to grasp the sense of that statement. Just before he put his hand up to ask what the **** cats had to do with our database I leaned over to him and asked, "Jeroen, do you cook fish?"

"Sure, I like fish," he said.
"How do you cook it?" I asked him.
"Pfft ... many ways. You can broil it, bake it, fry it, cook it in stews and soups ..."
"He meant something like that, Jeroen. 'There's more than one way to cook a fish.'"
"Oh, well, why didn't he say that, then? There's lots and lots of ways to cook a fish..."

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]he used the expression that "there's more than one way to skin a cat". My Dutch partner was writing all this down, and I could see him frown as he tried to grasp the sense of that statement.[/nq]
I bet he frowned! And I can only think of two ways to skin a cat...

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]A fellow from Mexico said to me today, "If my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bicycle." It was ... either in English or in other languages which folks here speak, that are analogous to these. Does anyone have more?[/nq]
If my Auntie (insert name if desired) had bollocks she'd be my Uncle (insert name if desired)
You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone (attrib.. Al Capone)
That (indicate pious hope) and (insert currency value eg "a dollar") will get you a cup of coffee.

John Dean
Oxford

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]A fellow from Mexico said to me today, "If my ... speak, that are analogous to these. Does anyone have more?[/nq]
[nq:1]If my Auntie (insert name if desired) had bollocks she'd be my Uncle (insert name if desired) You can get ... Al Capone) That (indicate pious hope) and (insert currency value eg "a dollar") will get you a cup of coffee.[/nq]
In the sense of "That'll never happen," there's also "When pigs fly, I'll..."
"It'll be a cold day in ****..."
"I'll do that on the second Tuesday of next week."

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Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]A fellow from Mexico said to me today, "If my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bicycle." I'm wondering now, though, what other idioms there are, either in English or in other languages which folks here speak, that are analogous to these. [/nq]
Wenn das Wörtchen "wenn" nicht wär', wär' mein Vater Millionär.

If it weren't for the little word "if," my father would be a millionaire .

(It rhymes in German.)

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]A fellow from Mexico said to me today, "If my ... which folks here speak, that are analogous to these. [/nq]
[nq:1]Wenn das W=F6rtchen "wenn" nicht w=E4r', w=E4r' mein Vater Million=E4r. If it weren't for the little word "if," my father would be a millionaire . (It rhymes in German.)[/nq]
A French friend introduced me to "Avec des si et des mais, on mettrait Paris dans une bouteille." That is, "With yes's and but's one would put Paris in a bottle."

Raymond S. Wise
Minneapolis, Minnesota USA=20
E-mail: mplsray @ yahoo . com

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]If my Auntie (insert name if desired) had bollocks she'd be my Uncle (insert name if desired)[/nq]
Funny andbordering on factual.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Wenn das W=F6rtchen "wenn" nicht w=E4r', w=E4r' mein Vater Million=E4r. ... father would be a millionair=e . (It rhymes in German.)[/nq]
[nq:1]A French friend introduced me to "Avec des si et des mais, on mettrait Paris dans une bouteille." That is, "With yes's and but's one would put Paris in a bottle."[/nq]
Make that "With ifs and buts one would put Paris in a bottle."

"Si" means "if," but there's also a "si" in French which means "yes." Another French friend of mine not the one who quoted me the adage once was complained about to her school principal by the parent of a student who objected that my friend was teaching that "si" was French for "yes." My friend had to explain that "si" is used for "yes," but in the sense "oh, but yes." It's used in reply to a negative question or statement such as "Vous n'avez pas un stylo?" "Si." ("You don't have a pen?" "Oh, but yes I do.") Perhaps it was this connection between "si" and "but" rattling around in the back of my head which led me to translate "des si et des mais" as "with yes's and but's."

Raymond S. Wise
Minneapolis, Minnesota USA=20
E-mail: mplsray @ yahoo . com

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]A French friend introduced me to "Avec des si et ... yes's and but's one would put Paris in a bottle."[/nq]
[nq:1]Make that "With ifs and buts one would put Paris in a bottle."[/nq]
Which reminds me of one that I first heard from an ex's mother in South Alabama: "If 'ifs' and and 'ans' were pots and pans, we'd have no need for tinkers, would we?"
This one uses 'an' in its old usage as equivilent to 'if'.

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Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Make that "With ifs and buts one would put Paris in a bottle."[/nq]
I liked it better the other way, though. "Yes, but" is a lousy way to start a sentence.

[nq:1]My friend had to explain that "si" is used for "yes," but in the sense "oh, but yes."[/nq]
Makes sense. I would say, "But I do!"

If wishes were horses

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