If the essay is too long you can correct only one of the paragraph for me.

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If the essay is too long you can correct only one of the paragraph for me.great thanks in advances2-5-09 My Disagreeable RoommateIf you come to the room3T21 in the hostel of Chinese High School in the afternoon, you will a man with a massive ball in his belly laying on the floor and block the whole path. Besides that, his massive ball is covered with stretch marks. Yes, that is my roommate, nicknamed pig.  If he is not sleeping, he will be playing game or eating. As he does only these things. He is very lazy and dirty. He never clean the stool, even the stool turns into brown from white. If you ask him to wash the toilet, mop the floor, wipe the window or wash the sink, he will say "tomorrow". But actually he won't do them. He can sleep eleven  hours a day and go to toilet more than three times a day and he won’t flush the stool while he is still in the toilet. Even you ask him to do so and surely the toilet will release an empowering stench. When he leaves the toilet, he will only pour a few water into the stool. It takes more than thirty minutes for him to go to stool, unless he is in a hurry. He was forced to transfers to this school by his mother in the last two years, because he was addicted to game. He can stay in the computer center until deep night. But actually he can still play computer game four hours a day in our school. So he goes to the computer center of our school, when they open until they close. While others are doing their urgent homework, he is playing game. Although the internet speed is not very good, he still keeps doing so. Sometimes, he make the whole line die. He never thinks of others.   Unified exam is coming soon, but he studies only a few minutes a day. He often says that he can pass the exam with flying colours, even he start preparing at the eleven hour. However, He failed in the midterm, but he still keeps the same attitude. He likes to play computer game by my computer without permission, even after having scoring by me. He keep doing it and even made my computer intrude by virus. His bad habits are numerous. Staying with him can make you become less energetic and you need to do his parts of cleaning job and so on. I feel very angry now, I hope he will be moved to another room.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Vctory:
In the future. please post an essay one time only. Duplicate postings annoy the moderators and confuse the participants. If no one answers your post, you can reply to it, it will bring the post to our attention. Making shorter posts, for example, breaking an essay into separate paragraphs, helps to get faster answers.

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It takes a lot of time to edit an essay, especially if we put in a lot of thoughtful comments that we hope will help you learn.

You have 2 problem areas in your English. You might benefit from some focused study on these two points:

1) the 3rd person singular present tense verb has an "s" added.

2) subordinating conjunctions and subordinate clauses. (You do have some very good and correct sentences with these kinds of clauses in your essay.)

2-5-09 My Disagreeable Roommate

If you come to the room3T21 in the hostel (dormatory; a hostel is more of a cheap hotel for people on holiday. Dorm or dormatory is where students live when they attend school and do not live at home) of Chinese High School in the afternoon, you will (see? encounter? you need a verb here) a man with a massive ball ~~in his~~ for a belly ("ball in his belly "means that he has swallowed a soccer ball or beach ball. "Ball for a belly" means that his belly has the shape of a large ball) laying on the floor and blocking the whole path. Besides that, his massive belly (or stomach or midriff) ~~ball~~ is covered with stretch marks. Yes, that is my roommate, nicknamed "Pig".

If he is not sleeping, he will be playing games or eating. As he does only these things. (Not a complete sentence) He is very lazy and dirty. He never cleans the stool, even the stool turns into brown from white. If you ask him to wash the toilet, mop the floor, wipe the window or wash the sink, he will say "tomorrow". But actually he won't do them ("anything" is better) . He can sleep eleven hours a day and go to the toilet more than three times a day and he won’t flush the stool (toilet? A stool is a piece of furniture, usually where you rest your feet. A "bar stool" is a simple chair with no back or arms and has rungs for resting your feet. A toilet is the appliance for urination or defecation. In men's quarters, urinals may be provided in addition to toilets) while he is still in the toilet (In the US, we use the word bathroom as the room in our homes or apartments with sink, toilet, shower, and tub. In public places, we call this place a "restroom;" a restroom will only have toilets and sinks for hand washing. In British English, this room is called a "water closet", or WC). Even (you need the word "if" or "when" here ) you ask him to do so, ~~and~~ surely the toilet will release an empowering stench. When he leaves the toilet, he will only pour a few (water is not countable - you need "little" here, or "a few cups of water") water into the stool. It takes more than thirty minutes for him to go to stool, (polite expression is "use the bathroom") unless he is in a hurry.

He was forced to transfers to this school by his mother in the last two years ( two years ago?), because he was addicted to games. He can stay in the computer center until very late at ~~deep~~ night. But actually he can still play computer games four hours a day in our school. So he goes to the computer center of our school, from when they open until they close. (you can also say: He goes when they open and stays until they close.) While others are doing their urgent homework, he is playing games. Although the internet speed is not very good, he still keeps doing so ("persists" is a good single word with the same meaning) . Sometimes, he makes the whole line die. He never thinks of others.

The unified exam is coming soon, but he studies only a few minutes a day. He often says that he can pass the exam with flying colours, even if he starts preparing at the eleventh hour. However,("Even though" is better without the following "but") he failed in the midterm, but he still keeps the same attitude. He likes to play computer games by on my computer without permission, even after having scoring by me (I don't understand the underlined part). He keeps doing it and even made my computer intrude by virus. (You can say "downloaded a virus to my computer"; "infected my computer with a virus", or "caused a virus infection on my computer")

His bad habits are numerous. Staying with him can make you become less energetic and you need to do his parts ("share" is better) of the cleaning jobs and so on. I feel very angry now. I hope he will be moved to another room.

Anonymous · Answer

I assume the deadline has now passed but I would personally suggest 'over-powering' in place of 'empowering' for future reference. Empowering is to inspire a feeling of power, control and/or confidence in a person which of course would not result from an unflushed toilet. Congratulations, however, I genuinely believed you were discussing your obnoxious room-mate and felt sorry for you so it was obviously plausible! Hope this is useful to someone who speaks English as a second or other language!

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