Ietls writing task 1: The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Question

Please help me check my essay below. I'll appreciate that. Have a nice day.The given chart compares the cost of the consumption of goods in the UK and France in 2010.Overall, cars were the most consumed goods in the two countries, whereas perfume was the least consumed. An interesting point is that more people in the UK bought cameras than in France.Turning to the details, the sale of cars was 450,000 pounds in the UK, as compared to 400,000 pounds in France. Following that, the figures for books and cars were similar to those for cars. The sales of the former were 400,000 pounds in the UK, while those of the latter were 300,000 pounds in France. However, the figure for buying cameras saw a significant difference in the UK and France, with 400,000 pounds and 150,000 pounds, respectively.In contrast, people in France were more interested in computers and perfume than people in the UK. A similar amount of sales was 400,000 pounds and 350,000 pounds in the UK and France, respectively. A similar pattern can be seen in the purchase of perfume. People in France spent over 200,000 euros buying perfume, compared to nearly 150,000 pounds in the UK.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Steven Depp · Answer

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

My essay:

The given chart compares the cost of the consumption of goods in the UK and France in 2010.

Overall, cars were the most consumed goods in the two countries, whereas perfume was the least consumed. An interesting point is that more people in the UK bought cameras than in France.

Turning to the details, the sale of cars was 450,000 pounds in the UK, as compared to 400,000 pounds in France. Following that, the figures for books and cars were similar to those for cars. The sales of the former were 400,000 pounds in the UK, while those of the latter were 300,000 pounds in France. However, the figure for buying cameras saw a significant difference in the UK and France, with 400,000 pounds and 150,000 pounds, respectively.

In contrast, people in France were more interested in computers and perfume than people in the UK. A similar amount of sales was 400,000 pounds and 350,000 pounds in the UK and France, respectively. A similar pattern can be seen in the purchase of perfume. People in France spent over 200,000 euros buying perfume, compared to nearly 150,000 pounds in the UK.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The ~~given~~ (Do not use "given" or "provided" or other participle. What kind of chart is it? How many are there?) chart compares the cost of the consumption (That is not good. It is not how much it costs to eat these things.) of goods in the UK and France in 2010. (Read my advice. What are the goods? How many categories are there?)

Overall, cars were the most consumed goods (Incorrect. To consume means to eat or drink something. We do not eat cars.) in the two countries, whereas perfume was the least consumed. An interesting point is that more people (That is not correct. The chart does not show numbers of people. For example, 12 million English versus 11 million French.) in the UK bought cameras than in France.

Turning to the details, the sale of cars (not good) was 450,000 pounds in the UK, as compared to 400,000 pounds in France. Following that, the ~~figure~~s amounts for books and cars were similar to those for cars. The sales of the former were 400,000 pounds in the UK, while those of the latter were 300,000 pounds in France. However, the figure (wrong word. Read my advice) for buying cameras (not a good phrase) saw (wrong word. Numbers do not have eyes. They cannot see anything. Read my advice) a significant difference in the UK and France, with 400,000 pounds and 150,000 pounds, respectively.

In contrast, people in France were more interested in computers (Do not make any deductions, conclusions or interpretations in Task 1. Just report the data. The chart does not show level of interest. ) and perfume than people in the UK. A similar amount of sales was 400,000 pounds and 350,000 pounds in the UK and France, respectively. A similar pattern can be seen in the purchase of perfume. People in France spent over 200,000 euros (You did not mention that there were different currencies.) buying perfume, compared to nearly 150,000 pounds in the UK.

Ietls writing task 1: The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Please help me check my essay below. I'll appreciate that. Have a nice day.

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