IELTS_task_2

I would be really grateful if somebody could give me some advice how could I improve.

Question

It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Well, my answer greatly depends on one thing: What is the highest priority of a country?

Because one hand if we say the main goal is to increase the country economic/military/etc. power word wide, then the good policy only educate the top twenty percent, and specialized them to a very narrow field, and provide them the necessary resources to maximize their productivity. The other eighty percent is negligible, of course, the country should provide them ways to earn enough(by keeping some low skill job or by a basic income) for accommodation, food, entertainment and maybe for have a family, these are just to avoid the uprising.

But that is what we want? I think a country biggest goal should be to make an enjoyable environment for its citizens by making jobs in which they can be proud of their work, reducing pollution, and by giving them possibility to educate themselves.
The country still needs all kind of professionals: engineers, scientists, doctors but what is more important: teachers, teachers who are able to raise awareness among children to how fascinating the science and all sort of knowledge really is, from history to molecular chemistry.
I don't mean that everybody should or is wanted to become a white-collar worker, I mean that everyone should find something what he really enjoys it could be anything from baker to a painter.
But if we don't give an opportunity everybody than we exclude those, who are not so talented, but really passionate about something, and with hard work could be as good as even better than somebody who chose this profession because it's a high paid one.