Ielts Wrtting Task 2 - Could You Please Help Me Correct this essay?

Question: Parents often give children everything they ask for or do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up?

Answer:

In recent years, parents tend to have a common thought that all children’s wishes should be granted. I believe that this over-indulgence can impede their personal growth, and the children themselves are expected to experience some repercussion in their later adulthood.

There are two principle reasons for the bad impact of over-indulgence on children. Firstly, pampering the children excessively could lead them to fall into bad habit of always showing a complete disregard for what they have had. Compared to those whose families undergo difficult circumstances, a child who has a wardrobe full of fashionable clothes or a personal box packed with modern toys but still want more would possible form a bad personality of being never satisfied. There is a saying for this kind of situation that “give him an inch and he will ask for a yard”. Secondly, if parents are negligent and too lenient with their offspring, such children might not appreciate the efforts that their parents make in earning the livelihood to support the whole family financially. As a result, instead of spending money wisely, they grow up leading an extravagant lifestyle and just lavish on wasteful activities.

I consider that this over-indulgence has largely negative consequences. When a child is allowed to engage in whatever activities that they like, such as spending plenty of time for sports activities or computer games, they neglect their duties at school which includes academic study, resulting in their poor base of academic knowledge later on. The possible outcome is that the children would have a bleak career prospects. Another negative consequence I would mention is the children who are lack of parental orientations have a high possibility of getting involved in illegal activities. In order to satisfy their greed, such children are likely to even embark on a life of burglary or robbery, and this puts a strain on society as a whole.

In conclusion, this trend has negative influences in offspring, and they are expected to undergo certain bad consequences in their later adulthood due to their parents’ overly indulgence.

Thank you so much for your help.