IELTS writting task 2. So much thanks for the correction

Topic:

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or to travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In some countries, students usually taking a gap year, which is a year that student work or travel to decide what they want to do in the future. Spending a year to do some real work gains you a lot of real experience and a lot of benefits, but it also brings to you a few drawbacks and I will discuss both sides of taking a gap year in this essay.

Traveling after finishing high school is a good way to refresh your mind before starting university life. While having a gap year, people usually do charities or travel on their own ability. They earn money from doing some part-time or full-time jobs and spend that money on a voyage or doing charity. During the gap year, they can meet all kinds of people from different walks of life which can widen their relationship circle. Moreover, they can find their true desire for what they are going to do in their entire life, which means that they identify their major and it is easier to choose a suitable discipline. Otherwise, they can also achieve experience from that gap year which brings to them some useful life skills that can ensure their bright future. Besides, volunteering can also help us to discover the true value of life by meeting disadvantaged people such as orphan children, homeless elderly, or disabled people and sympathize with them.

On the other hand, taking the gap year is the risk that could bring to you some disadvantages. First of all, you risk wasting a lot of valuable time while having time off. Spending time to make a perfect plan for the gap year and if it is unfortunate, you will spend a year wasted without doing anything that makes sense and never looks good on your CV. For those whose families are strict, it is hard to be allowed to spend a year off after graduating high school. As parents proposal, we should go to the university, get the qualifications and then get the well-paid jobs is the greatest way, they do not want you to risk wasting a year to travel which means that you will be a year behind your friends which is supposed to handicap you to get a good salary job. Finally, it is expensive for you to travel and you have to do a lot to earn enough money, that will take all your time and all the memoir you have in the gap year is working and working.

In conclusion, taking a gap year has both advantages and disadvantages but in my opinion, the pros outweigh the cons. From my perspective, taking a gap year is the greatest way to improve your personal skills that are not only useful for your entire life but also make your CV more impressive.