IELTS Writting Task 2 About Education

Hi, I need you help me to correct some mistake in my essay below. Many thanks!

Topic: Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with statement ?

In recent years, financial aspects become an indispensable part of our daily life. Besides, there are many debates about financial education which should be taught at school. From my perspective, I completely admit that monetary management as an obligation part in curriculum at school because of some following benefits.

It is an indisputable fact that financial subjects bring the general background of monetary knowledge which aims to keep away from swindling by organizations. To begin with, when we were a child without being equipped knowledge at school that is easy to lead to be defrauded by transgressors due to absence of training and experiences in investment or consumption. For instance, consumers may be purchased fake products. Furthermore, young students are enhanced their logical thinking, mathematical skills and problem solving abilities to invest money efficiently.

In addition, when students learn financial subjects, they tend to appreciate the value of money and how it works. Financially literate leaners will realise their parents who are industrious in order to raise young and expend on a daily basic. Particularly, almost young people are revieved money from their parents so that so easy to spend much money on video-games, extravagant outfits, bars,… Therefore, if they are educated and trained as soon as possible as compulsory education, they will be able to save money and take responsibility for their belongings compared to their peer age. In other words, after making big savings along with accumulating their knowledge and skills at school, they are able to establish their business and operate it better.

Taking the above ideas into consideration, I strongly believe that it is advisable to make financial management as an obligation component of school program. (297 words)