IELTS WRITTING TASK 2

Please, help me find mistakes that is relevant grammar or collocation.

The question is

"Children should always follow their parent's advice.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?"

The answer is

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It generally agrees the idea that the children should do anything what their parents approve. In my opinion, it is not almost god. Let us by considering the advantages and disadvantages of obey.

Always following the parent's advice effects a development of children. When they grow up, they can not be capable of doing anything without an introduction. In some situation, because of a feedback, they can remake a great achievement. Maybe, it impacts the result. Furthermore, the children can not explore a new thing by themselves without a help from another person. For example, the student can not decide their major at university, or the parents often help them chose it. It makes a bad consequence because the success in study comes from the motivated to study a specific subject.

On the other hand, because the children are so young that they can not be aware of the danger and responsibility of their behavior, they need to advice from the older people. They have enough knowledge and skills to teach the children and help them control a behavior that is suitable in social. Besides, children would be respectful or studious. Such as, under fifteen-year-old children do not have enough motivation to overcome the difficulties in their lives, so they need to the encourage to face it from the parents.

In conclusion, depending on a situation, parents should give appropriate advice for children. When they are quite old, parents should never force children to do anything what they like.

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Thank you so much in advance.