Ielts Writing topic Education

I wrote an essay for my ielts writing test. Can you guys please check it out and give me some feedbacks? Thanks in advance!

Here is the topic: In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My answer:

Because of unemployed crisis throughout the world, the debate on whether students who have no chance to get a job should pursue higher education or stop right after finishing primary education does not seem to come to an end. Early dropping out of school to work may be a practical plan. However, preparing for a steady educational background should be given a priority.

On the one hand, offering secondary education may be useless if people suppose that they have no interest in sitting in class, which wastes their time and money invested in education. Instead of that, they may learn more practical experiences by joining a short- term course to get a career certificate as well as applying for an manual work to earn money as soon as possible. Moreover, it also brings some benefits for their government's budget. It is clear that the local officials will economize much money on student's loans and simultaneously it helps to raise the economic growth rate in their area thanks to more and more people make money.

On the other hand, giving them a chance to access higher education is an intelligent investment. First, it is simply that everything is unpredictable, which means the opportunity to get a good job could not be concluded just since primary education. In fact, there are thousand of pupils who got bad results at young ages but still have a bright future because they choose an appropriate major in college and work hard for that. Besides, people who drop out of school early seem to be more likely to commit a crime because of the lack of social awareness. Moreover, preventing everyone from education for any reasons is a serious human-right violation. Everyone, irrespective of age or gender, should have an equal opportunity to freely opt any suitable level of education.

In conclusion, while giving school up to earn money is considered conducive in short term, pupils should endlessly widen their horizons through education to qualify job market in the long run.