Ielts writing test - please kindly help me check it

Topic:

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today.

Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My writing:

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Music is considered as the food for soul and it plays an important role in every country all over the world. Throughout the history, music has been being an essential part of human's life. People can hear music everywhere. Pure music is pleasing to the ear and brings benefits to individuals and society. However, it can have several drawbacks on both.

First of all, music is one of the most popular form of entertainments of million people in every part of the world. When you feel sad or tired after working all day, music is the thing that calm you down, refresh and clear your mind. In addition, scientists believe that music also bring positive influence on human's intellectual. For example, some researchers proved that the brain of children who listen to classic music frequently tend to develop faster than others at the same age.

Secondly, music is also a method to express a full range of our emotions. Pain, hopelessness, loneliness or happiness, pleasure... all are reflected through the songs with different melodies. Music is the composition of lyrics, melodies, instruments, feelings and experiences that show your life clearly. Other forms of arts are restricted within a perimeter but music has no boundary. It lives beyond ages and borders.

Lastly, nowadays, young generation can get knowledge of old culture and tradition from music. In other words, in every society, music is the basic and historic way not only to show your culture and history to other countries, but also to transfer history from one generation to next. Furthermore, it will inspire and strengthen the sense of community and nationality in each citizen. For instance, in football match, when footballers hear their nation anthem, they seem to listen to the call of motherland. Hence, their spirit would be enhanced.

On the other hand, some people hold the opinion that there are some disadvantages of music. Nowadays, the language used in lyrics of some songs is very cheap and meaningless. Low quality music and songs would affect on the youngsters' mind. Moreover, in recent years, loud music is more popular than soft and classical music. It will increase noise pollution in society and gives tension to people rather than relaxing.

In conclusion, music related to our relaxation, daily activities, prayer and many aspects of our personal and social lives. All positive things which music brings to us are stronger than any words. Thus, we believe that no country or no society does not have its own music. And the solution of drawbacks is the governments should allow appropriate music to develop their culture and music.

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