IELTS writing task1-2: Could you help me check my essay- and which band score can I get from? I appreciate

TASK 1:

The charts show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The three pie charts illustrate that Australian people finishing secondary school stick to further education, get employed or unemployed.

Overall, look by 3 periods from 1980-2000, the percentage of the unemployed were the smallest; however, the majority portion belonged to the employed.

First of all, the rate of further education were respectively noticeable. From 1990, the number had a fall to 12% after a decade and still going down a little bit of 1%, remained 37% in 2000.

In contrast, the sign of increasing came from the employed beginning at 40%. In 1990, the ratio made up a half until 2000, the number of people getting a job amounted to 55% which were more 5% than it had been.

Sadly, the portion of personals who were jobless had risen 2% from a tenth in 1990, but till 2000, it strongly fell to remain 8%, that means a fall of 4% leading to a range of employed increased.

TASK 2:

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The fact that is most of times do the young generation expend on going to the central mall as well as the fashionable stores for shopping. I could not deny the negative impact on them and the society as a whole.

Essentially, the frightening influence aims to the attiude and the mind's youth: wasting too much time. Contributing to their favor, this shopping action is so bad as the young take a big amount of time to wander and consider many kind of fashion. Moreover, those who are a big fan of shopping in centres even strongly follow the style, the trend of clothings. For that reason, lots of time are being taken only for in search of fashion models spread through the burstling shopping brands.

In addition, burning times for shopping in medium to up-scale stores leads to the same number of money they bought. The vast budget may belong to their parents or themselves, however, they spend it quickly for a short time. For some, they have no aware of the precious of money they have as well as be wasteful; how hard people earn their living. In the other hand, some others put themselves on wandering over the shops and spend much money disregarded to their own cash recently, which could be leading to the big loans or a stack of debts.

To sum up, the sad influences on the mind's young generation are noticeable and unavoidable. The action of shopping could be eradicated depending on their self consciousness, and the attitude of changing into healthy lifestyle. That would help avoiding in wasting much sparetime on shopping.