IELTS Writing Task II (3) (1)

Hi. I hope to receive the feedbacks from you guys.
Here is the topic and my essay

Topic: The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology.

To what extent do you agree?

The main function of education is often regarded as the groundwork for the modernized future. This makes some people believe that schools ought to remove subjects related to arts in order to help children concentrate on valuable subjects such as information technology. I completely disagree with this notion for the following reasons.

Firstly, it would be narrow-minded to believe that art and music are not of great benefit to children. To be more specific, when young people are encouraged to express themselves and take risks in creating art, they will use tools to seek the new way for their pictures instead of following the directions which their parents or teachers tell them to do. Therefore, a sense of creativity and innovation will also be developed that are both the requirement of characteristics for young generations in modern world. Furthermore, these artistic subjects also leave major influence on children’s performance at school. A report of American Arts in 2018 showed that students who expose to art and music frequently acquire higher academic achievements such as participating in IT contests, winning gold medal for Math, writing convincing essays than other peers who do not participate in art activities. Accordingly, this statistic also proves that art and music bring huge advantages to children.

Additionally, these artistic subjects can help students be happier. Unlike other subjects such as Math or Physics where children often experience the stress, art and music do the opposite thing. As its instinct is to inspire young people to record their own characters on the canvas or songs, they will receive the enjoyment and gratification throughout the lesson. Hence, they feel like they have motivation and they will learn other subjects with a positive attitude.

In conclusion, I protest the idea of eliminating arts subjects as they provide enormous benefits for children.