IELTS writing task 2(Please help to correct my mistakes, all beloved teachers)

Under the development of globalization and modernization, human kinds seem to much more focus on their own life than neighbor and society. This essay will mainly analyze the causes and remedies for the above norm.
There are several factors leading to the oblivion about community. In the first place, modern life is putting a lot of pressure of work on the shoulders of people. It is apparent that workers spend almost their time on working to pay for water, electricity and house renting bills. My parents, take an instance, always get up early to work and do not come back home until the night comes. Thus, there is no time and chance for them to communicate and understand their neighbours. Furthermore, nobody can deny the fact that appearance of new teaching method of a wide range of parents use for their kids is not suitable. Unlike the past, children nowadays often get a lot of hope of academic success from their parents. Those are, therefore, usually taught to be good at their major and pay attention on their personal life and study without thinking of actions for human beings surrounded.
However, solutions for any kinds of issue always exist. Initially, local authorities should organize a lot more social activities or campaigns to reunion the habitants in area together and create space for culture exchange. Besides, parents should change their mind in ways of educating their kids. Life is created by community not individual, so it would be better if parents let their kids keep social pace with other, and teach them how to know, love, share and help fellow-creature(dong loai) instead of knowing themselves only.
In conclusion, living under pressure and individualism in success could be changed to make a more loving life with sense of community by some solutions mentioned above.