IELTS WRITING TASK 2: YOUNG POPULATION

I would be grateful if you read and fix some mistakes for me. If you can't, helping me by answering my question is enough. As you can see, the question in this essay is"Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages". If I think that there are more advantages, should I write more ideas in the "advantage" paragraphs and weaker ideas in "disadvantage" paragraph? If I write about advantages and disadvantages equally despite preferring one of them, can my conclusion below justify my way of writing?

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, some countries have working age populations which include a large proportion of residents in their early adulthood. While this type of population has various drawbacks, I believe that its advantages can outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, a population which is full of young adults may cause a series of problems affecting the country’s society and economy. Firstly, the growing number of young people might lead to unemployment, as the more candidates there are, the more competitive the job market becomes. Unemployed citizens living in poverty will commit crimes like robbery or behave antisocially. Secondly, owing to the large number of residents, governments cannot provide enough education facilities, healthcare services as well as food supplies, thus people have lower standard of living and quality of life. Finally, the lack of accommodation and other facilities will eventually result in deforestation and environmental destruction.

On the other hand, the advantages a young population brings to a nation are enormous. The prime benefit is that nations full of economically active people will have a large well-educated workforce for high-tech areas, which has a vital role in the fast-paced modern world. Along with a skilled labor force, the population provides its country with a growing market for many manufactured products. Also, people of working age provides a large tax base and are able to take care of both young and elderly dependents as well as afford advanced education for their offspring.

In conclusion, in this fast-moving global economy, despite bringing about some negative consequences with which governments have to deal, having a young workforce is absolutely necessary for a prosperous nation.