IELTS Writing Task 2 - Topic about Education

I'm a newbie! It's nice that we can share our experiences and get feedbacks from a lot of friends all over the world thanks to this forum!

Well, yesterday, I was appointed to write an essay of IELTS Writing Task 2 (the topic below). Although I summitted it already, I couldn't wait until the result comes out in order to know how qualified I am in English. Therefore, I tried to take a picture of my essay and upload it here (I swear that I didn't change anything in this one yet!)

Please read my essay and give comments! What should I need to improve my Writing Skills? What band would I get in IELTS Task 2 according to this answer?

I really appreciate what your comments will be! Many thanks!!

Task 2: Write about the following topic:

In some rich countries, the number of children of secondary or high school who are taking science subjects is declining.

What effect might this have on the children's and their countries' futures? How can children be encouraged to study science?

Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge on experience. Write at least 250 words.

Answer:

Science has played an important role to human being and the development of society for ages. However, nowadays, less and less students in some rich countries taking science subjects. This trend may lead to many impacts for children's and their countries' futures.

Initially, the number of scientists may be degraded in the future. If a child did not take any science subjects, that would have meant that they have no interest in science. On the other hand, science is a difficult field and we cannot become a successful scientist within a short time. Therefore, if children are having no interest in science, they will hardly become scientists in the future.

Additionally, the development index of a country may decrease due to the lack of scientists. The rate of scientific and technological developmeny is an important key in order for us to know if a country is developed. Therefore, if the scientic workforce decrease, many countries may lose their status in the world.

Finally, to the students' future, they may have less chances of survival. Science subjects not only teach them scientific knowledge but also teach them how the nature lives. If a person has survival skills, he will know how to make his life last longer. But if he has learnt about science, he will know how save his life. The reason is that science teaches him what kinds of foods can be eaten, how to make fire and S.O.S signals, the way to locate where he is and much more kinds of this.

In conclusion, science places importance on human being. What we need to do now is encourage students to study science subjects by making science curricular become more down-to-Earth so that students can understand more easily, having more practising lessons so that they can practise what they learnt, and giving teachers guildlines to make science lessons more fascinating.