Ielts Writing Task 2: Technology

Hi, could you please help me score the below writing? Thank you so much!!!

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

My essay:

It is true that the development of advanced technology has influenced to the way people remain their relationships. There are several aspects of human life which are affected and I would argue that this trend could bring enormous and positive changes to society as a whole.

There are two important reasons why technologies now has changed the interacting of person to person. Firstly, the invention of mobile phones help people to contact with their relative closes more easily. This effective product could also help people to cut down considerably the amount of time and energy to transfer and receive information to others. Today mobile phones are an indispensable item for human for a variety purposes such as entertainment and business. Secondly, Internet access nowadays offers an unlimited source of creativity across the world. People tend to participate in a cycle of virtual friends in some social networks such as facebook and twitter which is connected by millions of people in any part of the world.

Despite some obvious drawbacks of this tendency I believe that these are outweigh by the advantages. One reason is that arming with sophisticated technologies people are becoming to appropriately control their relationships. Today almost people has at least a cell phone which allow them to strengthen their closes. Thus, without setbacks, people are likely to be keep in touch with their friends in an active position. Another reason is that this trend may lead to an increasingly in the quality of life. Human now not only need to a suitable level of physical health, but also satisfy their mental health. From a psychology perspective, if a person is not to interact with others for a long time, it will definitely lead to a deterioration in their mental health.

In conclusion, there are some known ways to influence the relationships that people make by technology can be identified, it seems to me that the development of this trend are more advantages than the disadvantages.