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Huyastromodeus Posted 7 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

[IELTS Writing Task 2] Should governments pay for medical care and education? Why?

Hi everybody! I'm an IELTS self-learner, and it's only about 2 months left for me before I take an IELTS test. Please help me to evaluate my essay, including grammatical, vocabulary errors as well as other criteria that are valuable to get a high IELTS band. And if you could, please provide a proximate IELTS Writing band for my essay.

I strongly appreciate your support. Please help me. Thank you!

The question is: Should governments pay for medical care and education? Why?

And below is my essay:


Finding a proper and sustainable strategy for the development of a country is a challenging task for almost every nation around the world. But before making decisions in something that is superior and profound, governments should consider about the two most important aspects of a society: medical care and education. And to make the country begin to rise sustainably, it is vital for the governments to pay all the expenditures of those two.

Medical care and education, as mentioned above, are the two essential elements which are fundamental to the contribution to a successful country. Health care services help improve the quality of life as well as living conditions of civilians, while schools, universities and other educational facilities give our residents knowledge, moral values, lead them to become future civilians with good virtues and valuable merits. Obviously, an ideal man who has potential values to contribute to the growth of a strong nation undoubtedly originated from a potent foundation of health care and education.

Consequently, if more and more people in a country become successful under the support of the government in medical care and education, then the nation itself would be benefited from their civilians and workforce. This will eventually lead to the nation’s prosperity. And when the domestic income is able to cover the tax paid for medical care and education, it is time for the government to further upgrade their training facilities and hospitals in order to meet the civilians’ demands.

For most developing countries, improving their medical and educational abilities may be demanding. But if a country wants to witness its unprecedented growth, it’s necessary to properly allocate national resources to these aspects, redirect attentions for the sake of civilians, and eventually make the country prosper.

  

Top answer

Hi there, I strongly advise you to: 1- Simplify your writing. 2- Be direct and to the point. Most of your introduction is off topic.

  • Hi there, I strongly advise you to: 1- Simplify your writing.
  • 2- Be direct and to the point.
  • Most of your introduction is off topic.
  • 3- Learn the structure expected of you in an IELTS essay.
  • PM me if you need more-detailed help/analysis.
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1 Answers
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Hi there,

I strongly advise you to:

1- Simplify your writing.

2- Be direct and to the point. Most of your introduction is off topic.

3- Learn the structure expected of you in an IELTS essay.


PM me if you need more-detailed help/analysis.

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