[IELTS writing task 2] Pls help me correct this essay

Topic: Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries.What are the causes of obesity in children?

Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.

These days, an abundance of children are in the condition of being overweight in many parts of the world and this has led to the deterioration of their health and fitness. This essay will analyze some plausible reasons for this alarming situation and its associated impacts.

There are two prominent causes why obesity in children has been so pressing. The root cause of this trend is improper eating habits. Over the last decade, the introduction of many dining establishments has affected the way of consuming food among people, especially the young ones. Children are usually prospective customers as they are likely to be attracted by processed foods, which contain a lot of fat and high calorie. Moreover, the youth have a huge appetite for products with a high sugary content such as chocolates or coke, thus the excessive intake of sweets seems to take a heavy toll on their well-being.

Another contributing factor is the major change in lifestyles due to the proliferation of technology. There is no doubt that the advance in modern science has made children more accessible to computers and smartphones at the very young age. With the ubiquity of modern devices, children tend to allocate more time for playing games or using phones in lieu of participating outdoor activities. For example, a majority of Vietnamese youngsters are now found to excessively sit in front computer playing video games while their previous generation gave preference for physical activities. Such sedentary activities incrementally attribute to a worsen health condition, in particular obesity.

Obesity during childhood can have a detrimental effect on the body in a variety of ways. Obviously, obese children are susceptible to the risk of developing health-related problems. Prolonged obesity is often associated with high blood cholesterol, a significant factor for heart disease. This is harmful to young people’s health as it increases the chance of having a stroke. In addition, extremely overweight children can experience some mental issues such as anxiety and low self-esteem as they are not confident of their appearance. Consequently, they may find themselves isolated from their fellows, which could be a deterrent to educational progress.

To sum up, the changes in eating patterns and inactive lifestyles are the two major causes for obesity in children and the mentioned effects are a real threat to young people’s health.