IELTS Writing Task 2- Please Review My Essay

First of all, thank you a lot for helping me to correct and improve my writing skill and vocabulary

Topic : In many countries, the proportion of old people is steadily increasing, does this trend have more positive or negative effect on society?

My essay :

Many parts of the world are experiencing steady increases in the number of older adults. While I do accept that the rise of elderly people is beneficial to society in some extents, I believe that this tendency has much more negative/detrimental effects on the community.

On the one hand, the elderly make a significant contribution to the social development. Firstly, people of retirement age have a great deal of spare time, allowing them to help their family and other people. For example, they could aid their family with childcare or do voluntary work such as teaching or helping disabled people in hospital. Through volunteer services, older people could contribute free labour to the community and government projects after retirement and substantially minimizes government expenditure on societal welfare. Secondly, senior citizens gained considerable specialized knowledge and practical experience accumulated through years of working, which could play an integral role in counseling the younger generation. As a result, people who reach their twilight years may help to maintain the cultures and religions of the countries for young generations by passing down their knowledge and encouraging them to inherit and attempt more for further success.

On the other hand, there are several negative consequences of an aging population. The main issue is that there will obviously be more people of retirement age who will be eligible to receive a pension. The proportion of younger, working adults will be smaller, and governments will therefore receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of the population. In other words, an aging population will mean a greater tax burden for working adults. Furthermore, a society with an aging population will put huge pressure on government budgets. An increasing number of older people also mean greater amounts of pension and healthcare costs needed, giving rise to fewer funds spent on other pressing issues such as education or housing shortages.

In conclusion, although the aging trend can bring some benefits to the society, I argue that the cons far outweigh the pros.