IELTS Writing task 2: Please review my essay
The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?
Many people accept it could be better if school take art and music down of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects. Even though the merits of eliminating the art classes is true, I believe remaining those extra materials will bring more positive development.
On the one hand, it is not necessary that everyone shall be a good musician or good at art. In this fast-paced era, several developments such as technology, science, and infrastructure have improved quickly, thus the majority of people stand their children to gain more knowledge in information and technology. This is because it will make students more ready to face the workforce in the future. For instance, Google, as one of the information and technology-based giant companies will recruit and give more job opportunity to people who have better IT knowledge as the qualification.
On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why art and music are the most important components in the development of children. Firstly, those subjects can increase students' intelligence. Some research shows that a person who plays a musical instrument well has a better opportunity to master academic subjects quickly because tones that they produce in the music can stimulate their creativity, imagination, and comprehension. Secondly, it will help children to enjoy for some moment and build a sense of felling to create wonderful creatures. Lastly, from these classes, the child can define their hidden talents, which help them to find their roles in the world.
For the above reasons, it seems to me that the advantages of art and music in education outweigh the drawback. The government should give a larger analysis in the curriculum system then.
Top answer
Nguyen Quynh Anh Many people accept it could be better if school take art and music down of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects. Many people almost suggests a majority: at least that the view is widespread. The question does not assert this; merely that such a view exist.
- Nguyen Quynh Anh Many people accept it could be better if school take art and music down of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects.
- Many people almost suggests a majority: at least that the view is widespread.
- The question does not assert this; merely that such a view exist.
- If we begin with the second conditional "could" to indicate the situation is hypothetical, then we need to continue with conditionals: if the school took...
- The topic is the school curriculum, not one particular programme, and a subject would be removed, not "taken down".
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Nguyen Quynh AnhMany people accept it could be better if school take art and music down of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects.
Many people almost suggests a majority: at least that the view is widespread. The question does not assert this; merely that such a view exist. If we begin with the secon
0Many people accept it could be better if school (wrong form) take art and music down (wrong word) of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects. Even though the merits of eliminating the art classes is
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