Ielts Writing Task 2: Please help to proofread, score and correct me. I need to get writing band 7

TOPIC: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people compare the value of local history with that of world history and predicate that schoolchildren should prioritize history of their country over others. I completely disagree with that opinion as I believe school history and world history are equally important for students.

On one hand. studying the history of young students’ home country is essential for many reasons. First, it helps to increase the sense of patriotism by learning about the past, especially if that past was involved with loss and sacrifice. Vietnamese students are always proud of the history of Vietnam as our ancestors won several battles, defending against outside intruders and reclaimed sovereignty. Second, learning history helps young generations develop positive interpersonal characteristics. The more students learn about the people, the culture and traditional values, the more they will love the country and be more confident. It is vital for students to feel confident about the community where they are growing up. Consequently, they will begin to feel responsible for the society as well as try to be a better person.

On the other hand, learning the world history is indubitably as important as local history. If students know about histories outside their home countries, they become aware of myriad of knowledge and angles of life. Each country has different obstacles, in which the people have to face, influenced by different cultures, religions, demographics, geography etc. For example, the black emancipation which was one of the causes of the Civil war in the US is not a nationally acknowledged problem in Asian countries. Moreover, students from developing countries can learn a lot from the historical downfalls of developed countries. Undoubtedly, developed countries have advanced their economies and infrastructures decades ahead, that being said they have also experienced the obstacles and difficulties that developing countries will have to face. For example, students who are interested in business can find the reasons of the Great Depression valuable for their future careers, It is prominent that students know about the world in order to broaden their horizons perceptually and intellectually.

In conclusion, I believe the significance of domestic and international history should be appreciated equally as they both benefit students in many ways and are not interchangeable. `