IELTS Writing task 2 - please help me to correct and evaluate my essay

Essay topics: More and more developing countries are expanding their tourist industries. Why is this? Is it a positive development?

In today’s world, most countries show a great concern about their tourist industries. It is acknowledged that in this day and age, more and more developing countries are promoting their tourism industries. In this essay, an attempt will be made to investigate the reason attributing to this phenomenon and the problems related to this.

To begin with, the most frequent factor contributing to the development of this industry is that it might not only create employment but also foster the economic growth. In fact, according to the statistics published by the International Labor Organization, the tourism industry generated about 9% of total GDP and provided more than 235 million jobs in 2010, representing 8% of global employment. For that reason, tourism is developed because of its positive impact on the development of a country.

On the other hand, tourism industry leads to some negative aspects of our lives. One explanation to support this statement is that this industry causes serious environmental problems. In reality, statistics in this field shows that now tourism contributes more than 5% of global greenhouse gas emission. Moreover, it is estimated that by 2030, there will witness a 25% increase in the amount of CO2 – emission from tourism compared to 2016, which was from 1,597 million to 1,998 million tons. As this example reveals, it is obvious that tourism has a negative influence on the environment.

Given the aforementioned points, it may be concluded that tourism is expanded because of its benefits regarding the finance of a country. However, it also results in some drawbacks related to the environment. Taking everything into consideration, I am of the view that more and more tourism industries promoted is a negative development because of its downsides mentioned.