IELTS Writing task 2 - please help me to correct and evaluate my essay

In today's world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is a well-established fact that in many countries, private companies allocate for and carry out most scientific research instead of the government. In this essay, an attempt will be made to examine both the benefits and drawbacks of this issue.

To begin with, private businesses spend money on this type of research bringing many benefits. One explanation to support this view is that the expenditure for these researches requires a large sum of money. However, in this day and age, there are many crucial problems such as public health, education and so on which need the allowance of the government to deal with. Therefore, the government is not able to use many of their funds to fit the cost of all problems. For this reason, research related to science needs the support of private companies. This is shown by the following example. According to the National Science Foundation, the US spent $456.1 billion for research and development (R&D) in 2013. Meanwhile, the private sector accounted for $322.5 billion, worth 71% of total national expenditure for this purpose. As a result, the investment of private businesses in this field has many plus sides which cannot be denied.

On the other hand, the funding of private companies in research also has many demerits. The most frequent factor contributing to this view is that private companies have a tendency to carry out the research for illegal purposes when being out of control of the government. For instance, WASHINGTON- a Canada subsidiary of the Connecticut - based military contractor the United Technologies Corporation pleaded guilty that it had illegally helped the Chinese government to develop an attack helicopter. As this example has shown, the spending of private businesses pose many risks to global security.

Take everything into consideration, the subsidy of private businesses has both positive and negative aspects. However, from my perspective, I am of the view that the disadvantages of this phenomenon outweigh its advantages due to its influence on global security.