[IELTS Writing Task 2] Please help me review my essay. Thank you!

Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people argue that it would be better to participate in vocational courses to become essential manual workers than to attending university in order to pursue academic subjects. However, I completely agree that both academic education and vocational training need to be given attention.

There are two main reasons why it is really necessary for people to pursue academic study. One reason is that there are a lot of careers require higher educational level like accountant or bank staff. These jobs need people who have knowledge from university. Furthermore, people who graduated from university have a big chance to gain well-paid jobs. They learnt crucial skills such as how to approach a problem, tackle an issue and manage time. Those skills will help them work productively and efficiently.

Apart from the problem expressed above, I strongly believe that vocational education is also extremely important. Firstly, some countries, especially developed countries, are lacking of skilled labours, while there are too many academic graduates which leads to educated unemployment. This imbalance workforce will adversely affect the whole economy. Secondly, nowadays, more and more buildings are being built so that need of qualified workers will also increase. For example, a high-rise residential building with complex electrical network and plumbing system usually need professional electricians and plumbers to fix immediately and maintain properly in order to ensure daily living of inhabitants.

In conclusion, it seems to me that attending academic study as well as take part in vocational classes plays a vital role in society