[IELTS writing task 2] Please help me review my essay.

Topic : More and more women now are going out to work and some women are now the major salary earner in the family. What are the causes of this and what effect is this having on families and society.

In the past, women faced discrimination in the workplace and they experienced several obstacles from sexual harassment to being overlook as an employee. However, this situation has been transformed as women’s participation in labor market is ever increasing in today’s world. This essay will analyze one possible reason behind this change and its associated consequences with regards to families and society.

The primary reason for the increase of women’s entry and participation in the workplace can be a result of expansion and improved access to higher education. In light of globalization, schooling has come to be one of the top priorities and is of strategic importance for the future development of a nation. Obviously, the previous decades witnessed a surge in school enrolment of the population in many regions of the world, where more opportunities to enter university have been opened up to young girls and the older ones. This has equipped them with adequate knowledge and requisite qualifications, therefore improving employment and promotion prospects as a good education is a precursor for a successful career.

As the percentage of females’ participation in the workforce continues to rise, this has resulted in some significant impacts on both their family life and society.

The higher female labor force participation can guarantee a better quality of life for their family. By working, women can make a significant contribution to their home income, thus relieving the financial burden, which is often considered as the husband’s responsibility. Two properly managed incomes in a household will enhance the purchasing power, which allows both the wife and the husband to meet basic demands or to save up for the future. Furthermore, some women play as the sole wage earner among the family, thus they can afford much more luxuries such as an exotic trip or jewelries.

As regards society, the most noticeable impact of women going to work is higher economic growth. As more women become incorporated into the economy, the labor supply will be satisfied and thus boosting cities’ productivity. It is visible that female employees are shifting their attention from traditional occupations to other positions where their counterparts predominate. For example, a majority of women are establishing themselves as lawyers, CEOs and entrepreneurs, all of these could have a positive effect on the economic progress in general.

In summary, that working women are a sizable chunk of the population can be attributed to the increasing levels of education in recent years, and the effects of this having on family and society are noteworthy.