IELTS Writing task 2, please help me by revising this essay
Dear teacher,
I am going to have an IELTS exam soon. Could you revise my IELTS essay? Thank you very much.
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Technology has completely changed virtually our life over the past few decades. One of the differences that have been noticeable is the change in the way that children play and interact with each other. Although technology does provide many positive benefits, it also can have several negative issues on child development.
On the one hand, there are two drawbacks when let children contact with technology very much. Firstly, they do not get as much exercise as they used to because technology such as smartphones, computers, televisions encourage them to be sedentary when they get home from school. As a result, many kids oppose to going outside and playing with other kids. They are heavily reliant on technology for entertainment purposes. Secondly, technology can also affect the way kids process information . When kids learn the new concept, they tend to think through things superficially because of being exposed to high levels of technology.
On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. One reason for this view is that technology enhances learning. For example, instead of reading from historical books, children today could step into virtual reality and experience historical events. That left them with vivid memories instead of words on pages. Another reason is that technology allows for creativity and freedom of expression. Technology provides tools to get children's big imagination out because they now have computers, tablets, and so much more to help them turn such thoughts into reality.
In conclusion, technology provides tons of positive opportunities for learning, entertaining, and socializing, but it should be monitored and used appropriately.
Top answer
Technology has completely changed virtually our life (wrong form) over the past few decades. One of the noticeable differences that have been noticeable is the change in the way that children play and interact with each other. Although technology does provide many positive benefits, it also can have several negative issues effects on child development.
- Technology has completely changed virtually our life (wrong form) over the past few decades.
- One of the noticeable differences that have been noticeable is the change in the way that children play and interact with each other.
- Although technology does provide many positive benefits, it also can have several negative issues effects on child development.
- (You did not answer the question: Do the benefits overall have a more positive effect than the drawbacks?
- You must make a statement in the first paragraph that answers the topic question.
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Technology has completely changed virtually our life (wrong form) over the past few decades. One of the noticeable differences that have been noticeable is the change in the way that children play and interact with each other. Although technology does provide many positive ben
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