IELTS Writing Task 2 Please Help Me?

Question

Countries around the world require more and more energy every year for domestic and industrial use. What are the causes of this excessive energy consumption, and how does it affect the environment?Demand on the energy increases year by year in terms of domestic and industrialization usage. The causes of this phenomenon are varied and have led to a wide range of effects on the environment. This essay will outline the reasons why more and more energy requirement is occurring, and discuss the results it can have on the environment.Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why energy consumption rises up year by year. The primary cause of consumption is the population which increase from the first human existed until today. Increasing population brings up a high consumption in any area, particularly in energy. For example, when you look back to history a few cars just we have but nowadays more than 1 billion that cause extremely requirement for petrol. Another cause of high-demand energy is technologized. The life of people more affected by technology within any area of human beings that related to more energy consumption, particularly in electricity.The results of high-demand energy are numerous and potentially serious catastrophes on the environment. The individuals need to more energy sources and they build the new dams and petrol extracting areas. These sorts of actives directly affect environmental areas. If you stare at areas of the damn building, it can be easily seen how many trees wrecked by humans due to building a damn and how many animals nests are destroyed. While they transport to petrol from a country to another country by seaways, from time to time accidents are occurred that’s brings sea pollution and causes thousands of living beings to die.In conclusion, it must be said that more and more energy-demanding has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. If the authorities choose to ignore this issue, the future of our planet will be in danger.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Demand ~~on the~~ for energy (Energy is non-count.) increases year by year in terms of domestic and industrialization usage. The causes of this ~~phenomenon~~ (wrong usage) are varied and have led to a wide range of effects on the environment. ~~This essay will outline the reasons why more and more energy requirement is occurring, and discuss the results it can have on the environment.~~

It is very poor form to mention your essay in the first paragraph. Do not "announce" to the reader what you are going to do or write about. It will not get you any bonus points. Lazy students can write "In my essay, I will tell you XYZ and the reasons for it. " It gives the reader no information about your main point or your arguments. The thesis statement is potentially the most important single sentence in the essay. It will be the difference between an excellent score and a mediocre score.

Example paragraph:

Demand for energy on a worldwide basis has been steadily increasing ever since the industrial revolution in the 19th century, and even accelerating with the globalization of major industries after World War II. With the projected growth in population, and the social movement of people from subsistence farming to Western middle-class standards of living, great pressure has been applied to the world's ecosystems, leading to its degradation and extinction of many species.

The underlined is my thesis statement. It addresses both of the essay prompts. 1) What are the causes. and 2) What are the environmental impacts.

Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why energy consumption rises up year by year. The primary cause of consumption is the population which increase (wrong verb form) from the first human existed (ungrammatical) until today. Increasing population brings up (wrong verb: bring up means to raise a topic for discussion.) a high consumption in any area, particularly in energy. For example, when you look back to history a few cars just we have (ungrammatical) but nowadays more than 1 billion that cause extremely requirement for petrol. (ungrammatical) Another cause of the high-demand (no hyphen) for energy is technologized. (wrong word) The life of people more affected by technology within any area of human beings that related to more energy consumption, particularly in electricity. (ungrammatical This sentence makes no sense. It is very bad English.)

The results of high-demand energy are numerous and potentially catastrophic for ~~serious catastrophes on~~ the environment. The individuals need to more energy (ungrammatical) sources and they build the new dams and petrol extracting areas. (wrong phrase - I think you mean "oil fields" or "gas fields" or "drilling platforms") These sorts of actives (wrong word) directly affect the environment~~al areas~~. If you stare at areas of the **** (wrong word - Which building are you cursing?) building, it can be easily seen how many trees wrecked (wrong word) by humans due to building a **** (wrong word) and how many animals (wrong word; wrong form) nests are destroyed. While they transport to petrol from a country to another country by seaways, from time to time accidents are occurred (wrong form) that’s (ungrammatical) brings sea pollution and causes thousands of living beings to die.

In conclusion, it must be said that more and more energy-demanding has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. If the authorities choose to ignore this issue, the future of our planet will be in danger. (Off-topic. The essay prompt did not ask for any opinion or consequence.)

IELTS Writing Task 2 Please Help Me?

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