IELTS Writing Task 2. Please give me some feedback on this essay. Thank you so much.

Question

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit.

What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?

Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

Despite many findings of reasearchers about the detrimental effects of smoking, some people still have not quit this pernicious habit yet. In this essay, I will analyze the drivers behind this phenomenon, including the tobacco addiction and the misbelief of several people about smoking, and propose some viable measures to address this social issue, which need interventions of the governments

The habit of smoking can be attributed to several causes, among which the most significant one is tobacco addiction. Once individual try a cigarette, the addictive compounds in it, such as nicotine, would make the smoker be addicted to smoke. Subsequently, even when the smoker relises the dangers of smoking , he or she may not give up smoking because of the fear of suffering without cigarettes. Another reasonable cause is the misleading information on the internet, which make many people believe that smoking is good for health. To illustrate, despite the popularity of the harmful impact of smoking, there are still questionairy evidence floating on social platform states that our brain can function smoother and more effective when we smoke, or even claims that we can get rid of some health problems due to smoking.

In order to counter this negative habit, governments should take actions as soon as possible. First, higher tax on tobacco and cigarette should be envied to reduce the popularity of smoking since higher prices means fewer customers. Furthermore, governments can allocate the tax revenue on awareness-heightening projects about smoking. This action can raise awareness among people and encourage them to give up this habit. Second, there should be more restrictions against selling smoke-related products. To be more specific, governments should ban or impose some strict regulations relating to advertisements of tobacco and cigarette. Only by reduce the frequency of the appearance of these products on television would customers avoid using them.

In conclusion, tobacco addiction and misleading articles from social media are two main reasons behind smoking habit and governments should impose higher tax on tobacco and cigarette, as well as some policies pertaining to advertisings of these products so as to reduce smoking in society.

I know that I should not write this long but I cannot reduce the length of my essay due to the fear of not explaning fully. Can anyone give me some tips to do write shorter?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

nguyenngocanhthuI know that I should not write this much ~~long~~ but I cannot reduce the length of my essay due to the fear of not explaining my points ~~explaning~~ fully. Can anyone give me some tips to do write less ~~shorter~~?

You need to learn how to express your ideas using fewer words. It is a skill that will come with practice.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Despite many findings of reasearchers (spelling) about the detrimental effects of smoking, some people still have not quit this pernicious habit yet. ~~In this essay,~~ Do not mention your essay. Never use the word "essay" in writing this task) I will analyze the drivers behind this phenomenon, (wrong word) including the tobacco addiction and the misbelief (wrong word) of several people about smoking, ~~and propose some viable measures to address this social issue, which need interventions of the governments~~

Do not explain to the examiner that you will write this and that. It is very boring. It is useless, because this information is in the task instructions, which the examiner has read.

Write a thesis statement - the main point of your essay. That will not only improve but also shorten your essay. A thesis statement contains a very abbreviated answer to the prompt.

Your first paragraph had 60 words.

Here is the better way to write this, with less than 40 words. It answers both essay prompts. It does not have a long-winded explanation about the essay. It indicates your main points.

This method lets you write a lot of ideas in just a few words.

Despite overwhelming evidence that  smoking causes early death, people continue to smoke because tobacco contains addicting chemicals making the habit extremely difficult to break. Various government interventions can encourage people to quit.

The habit of smoking can be attributed to several causes, among which the most significant one is tobacco addiction. Once an individual tries a cigarette, the addictive compounds in it, such as nicotine, would make the smoker be addicted to smoke. Subsequently, even when the smoker ~~relises~~ realizes the dangers of smoking , ~~he or she~~ they may not give up smoking because of the fear of suffering without cigarettes. Another reasonable cause is ~~the~~ misleading information on the internet, which ~~make~~ makes many people believe that smoking is good for their health. To illustrate this, despite the popularity of the harmful impact of smoking, there are still questionairy (wrong word) evidence floating on social ~~platform~~ media that states that our brain can function smoother and more ~~effective~~ effectively when we smoke, or even claims that we can get rid of some health problems due to smoking.

That paragraph is extremely wordy at 135 words. You use tons of words when just a few can give the reader the same ideas. Here is a rewrite with ~75 words.

The main cause of an undesirable smoking habit is addiction. Once someone has inhaled their first cigarette, with its intoxicating nicotine, they are hooked. If, later on, they try to quit, they have painful withdrawal symptoms. Every smoker tries many times to stop, but few succeed. A secondary cause is misinformation; widespread rumors on social media claim that tobacco is good for stimulating the brain and can prevent or cure certain health problems.

In order to counter this negative habit, governments should take actions as soon as possible. First, a higher tax on tobacco and cigarettes should be envied (wrong word) to reduce the popularity of smoking since higher prices means fewer customers. Furthermore, governments can allocate the tax revenue on awareness-heightening projects (wrong expression, unnatural) about smoking. This action can raise awareness (repetitive) among people and encourage them to give up this habit. Second, there should be more restrictions against selling smoke-related (wrong expression, unnatural) products. To be more specific, governments should ban or impose some strict regulations relating to advertisements of tobacco and cigarette. Only by reduce (wrong form) the frequency of the appearance of these products on television would customers avoid using them.

In conclusion, tobacco addiction and misleading articles from social media are two main reasons behind smoking habits and governments should impose a higher tax on tobacco and cigarette, as well as some policies pertaining to advertisings of these products so as to reduce smoking in society.

Sample essay: The following essay contains all the points you make, and includes an extra personal experience (as specified in the instructions). It is 277 words long. Your essay is 353 words with less information. You can compare the two styles and learn how to put a lot of content into your essay without writing a book.

Despite overwhelming evidence that smoking causes heart and lung disease and early death, people continue to smoke because tobacco contains addicting chemicals, making the habit extremely difficult to break. Various government interventions can encourage young people not to start smoking and people who do smoke to stop.

The main cause of an undesirable smoking habit is addiction. Once someone has inhaled their first cigarette smoke, with its intoxicating nicotine, they are hooked. If, later on, they try to quit, they have painful withdrawal symptoms. Every smoker tries many times to stop, but only a few succeed. My grandfather's younger brother smoked all his life and died from lung disease. A secondary cause is misinformation; widespread rumors on social media claim that tobacco is good for stimulating the brain and can prevent or cure certain health problems.

There are measures the governments can take to alleviate this serious social problem. First, they can impose heavy taxes on tobacco products, making them unaffordable for young people. The revenue can then be applied to counter the misinformation and raise awareness of the dangers of tobacco use. In addition, they can ban advertising of these products on TV, prohibit the display of cigarette packs in stores and sales to minors. Since most addicts develop the smoking habit when they are teenagers, the extra cost and restricted sales will substantially reduce the number of young people who start smoking. Thus fewer adults in society will smoke.

In conclusion, addiction causes a smoking habit to persist, and it is justified by false information. Governments can take actions to reduce the percent of the adult population who smoke tobacco by enacting certain laws.

IELTS Writing Task 2. Please give me some feedback on this essay. Thank you so much.

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions