Ielts Writing task 2 - Please give me some advice on my writing

Essay topics:

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think History is a vital subject in school. Other people ensivage the most necessary subjects needed to learn are Science and Technology in the modern world. History brings to us many past events of our ancestors back to the present and knows how it will shape our future. In my opinion, nowadays, science and technology are increasingly applying all aspects of our lives. Therefore, these subjects should have a strong concentration in school.

On the one hand, studying History provides a huge knowledge for students of the world we live in, and how countries, governments, economics, international relations were established and is operating these days. In addition, the awareness of the culture of all countries is known from which they came, and peace is remaining for a long time throughout all the countries due to taking account of the previous mistake that was made in the past.

On the other hand, in modern life, technology devices are using more widely from the younger to the older. Moreover, advanced technology equipment is applying in many fields such as Education, Business, Agriculture, even the military. This is showing that people will more concerned about what benefits newborn technology would bring to the earth, and each technology would change the world through the centuries. Therefore, I would argue that science and Technology subjects should be paid more attention which would help our life more convenient and improve our quality of life.

All things considered, while History help to know the past and appreciate the present world we live, it seems to me that Science and Technology are the subjects being on the top concern today.