[IELTS Writing Task 2] Please give comments on my essay
Topic: Today, many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. What are the reasons for this and is it a positive or negative development?
Essay:
Nowadays, the kids waste too much time indulging in computer games instead of taking up sports. In my opinion, there are some obvious reasons to this trend, which is not a positive one.
Both the children themselves and adults who crave for profits are responsible for the addiction to computer games. Firstly, these games are so appealing for not only kids of different ages but also for grown-ups. It is understandable that the young are curious about the world and they have incredible dreams, which may be impossible in reality. Being a superhero is an example. Computer games help the kids to fulfil those dreams to some extent. Secondly, games are meant to make money for the developers. Children are the main targets for this purpose, as a result a variety of games are designed with wonderful contents and graphics to satisfy these customers. The gaming industry is improving the products day by day, so it is hard for youngsters to resist games.
I strongly believe that those reasons are leading to negative outcomes for young players. To begin with, games will take their toll on their physical health. Rather than supporting a healthy lifestyle like sports do, spending all free time playing computer games make children gain weight. Besides, no exercises means being more prone to a number of diseases as playing sports boosts the kids' immunity. Similarly, too much computer games leaves the kids with serious mental problems. They might separate themselves from others, become anti-social and event violent because of gaming experiences. Eventually this gradually results in loneliness or depression.
From the mentioned bad effects of conputer games on youngsters, it is obvious that there are both subjective and objective causes to this issue. They should be considered as disadvantageous for children's well-being.
Top answer
Nowadays, the kids waste (1) children spend too much time indulging in on computer games instead of (2) taking up on sports. In my opinion, there are some obvious reasons for to this trend, which is not a positive one. Both the children themselves and adults who crave for seek to make profits are responsible for the addiction to computer games.
- Nowadays, the kids waste (1) children spend too much time indulging in on computer games instead of (2) taking up on sports.
- In my opinion, there are some obvious reasons for to this trend, which is not a positive one.
- Both the children themselves and adults who crave for seek to make profits are responsible for the addiction to computer games.
- Firstly, these games are so appealing for not only most kid s.
- of different ages but also for grown-ups .
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Nowadays, the kids waste (1)children spend too much time indulging in on computer games instead of (2)taking up on sports. In my opinion, there are some obvious reasons
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