IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : Please evaluate my essay

Question

I really wanna know how many scored I could get. So yeah, I appreciate your all reviews. Thank you for helping me. Hope I get your feedback soon. &lt;3 Love!! So here is the topic and my essayMany animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reasons and solutions?Human activities on land and in sea indeed have negative impacts on many animal species, putting them in danger of extinction. Reasons for this vary, and solutions need to be adopted to address the problem.There are good grounds why a large number of animal species are disappearing. The first reason is the increase in the demand for timber to produce furniture and serve construction purposes. Illegal logging not only seriously destroys animal habitats but also restricts their sources of food on land. Moreover, many people are still hunting illegally for rhino horns and elephant tusks for for-profit (purposes), resulting in a remarkable decline in rare animal numbers. The second reason is that seawater is seriously polluted due to industrial waste. This is because some factories always discharged sewage straight to the sea without processing. Besides this, there are still oil spills occurring on the sea, contaminating the underwater environment. Therefore, a wide range of marine creatures has to deal with extinction.However, the issue is not intractable. The simplest measure is that social organizations should launch campaigns of protecting natural environments. A large number of campaigns launched every year with the participation of many people plays a crucial role in raising people’s awareness and raising funds for environmental protection activities. For example, building endangered rescue centers can offer many species on land a safe habitat and diverse sources of food. Another solution is that governments should impose stricter punishments on illegal hunters. The laws of some countries are still so lax that there are still many people harming endangered species by cunning. Take Imprisonment as an example. It is undeniably a heavier form of punishment than charging a levy, so it acts as a deterrent to people who are still posing a threat to animal’s survival.In conclusion, the extinction of animal species is attributable to human exploitation on land and in sea. Nevertheless, the proposed solutions could help mitigate the problem.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

H?ng Tr?nI really wanna know

There is no word "wanna" in English.

H?ng Tr?nhow many scored

That is not grammatical English.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You wrote almost 325 words. That is too much. Aim for 270-290 on Task 2.

.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Human activities on land and in sea indeed have negative impacts on many animal species, putting them in danger of extinction. Land animals are most affected by removal of trees, which destroys habitat, and marine life is being choked to death by pollutants, effluents from sewers and factories. These problems can be addressed by taking measures to curtail these root causes. ~~Reasons for this vary, and solutions need to be adopted to address the problem~~. (Notice how much more direct my thesis statement is compared to yours.)

There are good grounds why a large number of animal species are disappearing. The first reason is the increase in the demand for timber to produce furniture and construct buildings, and much of this is supplied by unauthorized activity. ~~and serve construction purposes~~. (You need a logical link, because most logging is not illegal.) Illegal logging not only ~~seriously~~ destroys animal habitats but also restricts their sources of food (It is better to develop your idea with an example rather than to make another point.) ~~on land.~~ Moreover, many people are still hunting illegally for rhino horns and elephant tusks for for-profit ~~(purposes),~~ resulting in a remarkable decline in rare animal numbers. The second reason is that seawater is seriously polluted by ~~due to~~ industrial waste. This is because some factories always discharged (wrong form) sewage straight to the waterways ~~sea~~ without processing. (It is better to develop your idea with an example rather than to make another point.) Besides this, there are still oil spills occurring on the sea, contaminating the underwater environment. Therefore, a wide range of marine creatures has to deal with extinction.

However, the issue is not intractable. The simplest measure is that social organizations should launch campaigns focused on of protecting all natural environments. A large number of campaigns launched every year with the participation of many people plays a crucial role in raising people’s awareness and raising funds for environmental protection activities. For example, building endangered animal rescue centers can offer many species ~~on land~~ a safe habitat and ~~diverse~~ adequate sources of food. Another solution is that governments should impose stricter punishments on illegal loggers and hunters. ~~The laws of some countries are still so lax that there are still many people harming endangered species by cunning.~~ (That is part of the problem statement, not the solution.) Take Imprisonment as an example. It is undeniably a heavier form of punishment than charging a levy, so it acts as a deterrent to people who are still posing a threat to animal’s survival.

In conclusion, the extinction of animal species is attributable to human activities ~~exploitation~~ on land and in sea. Nevertheless, the proposed solutions could help mitigate the problem

Araditha · Answer

Question

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer

Healthcare is a basic necessity for every individual in the world. Today this want has become a growing business in certain countries, however, there are other nations who offer free treatment for common illnesses on a regular basis. Personally, I think that they should offer unpaid medical services for all their residents as it is the government's duty to provide for its citizens and meet the basic needs of all income groups as well.

Firstly, free and good quality health services should be provided at rural and urban areas in underdeveloped, developing and developed countries to ensure equality among its citizens (immigrant or non-immigrant). For example: There are multiple rural areas in India where the villagers have to travel long distances to avail basic health facilities at exorbitant rates. Also, these people do not have any insurance policies to cover their costs. Hence, they neglect their health and rely on home remedies for their treatment. This can be prevented by opening small government sponsored camps near every village so that the villagers can access the same services as the urban folks. Thus, the government can take care of its residents through doctors and nurses who can help the rural population in this area.

Secondly, there are low, middle and upper middle class groups who have access to health care services but struggle to make ends meet every month. They also struggle to pay medical bills and hesitate to undergo expensive but much needed surgeries.

For example: My maid lives in a slum near my house. She earns Rs. 10,000 per month and has to provide for her child's education and her husband's dialysis treatment. As she lives in the city, she has access to clinics and hospitals but is not able to pay any of the bills. For the past two months, we noticed that her husband's health is slowly deteriorating and he is fading away. In these cases, the government can step-in and provide free treatment by introducing a new regime. This regime can be availed by anyone but would include a nominal fee from the insurer's end on registration. This regime would act like an insurance policy that can be used to cover any health issues faced by the insurer or his family members. Therefore, solving the problem of its citizens and the country as well.

Finally, I would like to conclude by stating that accessible and good quality medical services should be provided to every resident in a particular country because it is a basic need. Indeed, this can lead to issues such as demands for free food and shelter as well but the authorities should deal with that separately. Although the latest medical findings and treatments might not be covered under these schemes, it will be beneficial if these suggestions are implemented as the standard of living and GDP will increase and the death rate will fall, thus, taking the respective nation to greater heights.

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : Please evaluate my essay

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