IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : Please evaluate my essay

I really wanna know how many scored I could get. So yeah, I appreciate your all reviews. Thank you for helping me. Hope I get your feedback soon. <3 Love!! So here is the topic and my essay

Many animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

There are those who suppose that the government should spend more public money on promoting healthy lifestyles to deter illness. While there are good grounds to justify this, I side with those who contend that spending it on the treatment of people who are already ill is also necessary.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why investment in encouraging healthy lifestyles is essential. To begin with, healthy living plays greatly contributes to the immune system and increasing the body’s tolerance to diseases. Governments should organize running competitions or offer free types of equipment in public places, motivating people to follow a good workout and be more dynamic. This also plays a vital role in avoiding cardiovascular or bone and joint diseases. In addition, Governments can launch more campaigns related to healthy lifestyles people should have such as eating habits. These are aimed to raise public awareness of healthy diets such as consuming home-cooked food instead of fast food. Good eating habits are the main factors preventing obesity, diabetes, and digestive disorder, helping people to keep fit, balanced, and always stay healthy.

On the other hand, I also hold a view that treatment for patients should also be invested. One argument is that there are a large number of diseases people can not avoid as they are not related to lifestyle. They are genetic, congenital diseases or illnesses, and injuries caused by unexpected accidents on road, which also seriously pose threats to people’s health. Governments need to allocate budgets to improve medical infrastructure and promote research on drugs and treatments because there will be more victims and deaths without such investments. Further justification is that there are still many people who lack awareness of protecting their health or prohibiting diseases. They often neglect their health status and the benefits of the prevention because they have to work tight schedules and almost do not have enough time for periodic health checks. As a consequence, treatments are immediately needed when they are diagnosed with diseases.

In conclusion, despite the undeniable benefits of promoting healthy lifestyles, I firmly suppose that investments in treatments also deserve.