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Dongg Thieu Posted 7 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Ielts Writing Task 2 - Please Check The Grammars, Vocabularies For Me And Also Give An Estimate Band Score For This Essay. Many Thanks !

Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?


It is true that parents play an pivotal role in taking care of their children. While I accept that children can deal with their grown-up life outstanding if they are brought up by poverty parents, I would argue that children growing in the wealthy family will perform a lot better.


On the one hand, parents that do not have much money can help their offspring deal with a plenty of problems in social life. To begin with, the children can have a good grasp of practical experiences via struggles from their daily basis. Those, for instance, have to work in a wide ranges of jobs in order to live in a budget, thus, they are facing with a lot of difficulties which can prevent them from repeating this again in a near future. What is more, suffering with a lot of hard works can instil in them the value of saving money. Latterly, they can be able to possess a reasonably expenditure in order to support their parents financially.


On the other hand, children living in a wealthy family can be provided adequate educational services for the purpose of survival in later life. Being given with a variety of beneficially educational infrastructures, the kids can have a better opportunities to increase their levels of academic performances . As a result, they can be admitted in top-tier schools which can assists them to broaden their knowledge and lead to a capable of fighting against with problems in the society. On top of that, owing to the richness, the parents can spend more time with their children because they do not have to pull a lot of all-nighters or daytime to make ends meet. Therefore, the children can always have their family shelter whenever facing problems which help children to easily integrate with the society in their adult life.


In conclusion, although poverty children can easily solve the problems in later life, offspring with wealthy parental influences will probably have a better dealing with difficulties.


333 words

  

Top answer

'Poverty' is a noun; the adjective is 'poor'. It is true that parents play an pivotal role in taking care of [ or raising/educating: 'taking care of' suggests more baby-sitting than personal development. ] their children.

  • 'Poverty' is a noun; the adjective is 'poor'.
  • It is true that parents play an pivotal role in taking care of [ or raising/educating: 'taking care of' suggests more baby-sitting than personal development.
  • ] their children.
  • While I accept that children can deal with their grown-up life outstanding [ adverb needed not adjective +ly ] if they are brought up by poverty [ wrong part of speech] parents, I would argue that children growing in the [ wrong article ] wealthy family will perform a lot [ 'a lot' is informal: in formal writing use much/many] better.
  • On the one hand, parents that do not have much money can help their offspring deal with a plenty of [ There is no phrase 'a plenty of' in English: use 'many' instead in formal writing.
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1 Answers
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'Poverty' is a noun; the adjective is 'poor'.

It is true that parents play an pivotal role in taking care of [or raising/educating: 'taking care of' suggests more baby-sitting than personal development.] their children. While I accept that children can deal with their grown-up life outstanding [

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