Ielts Writing Task 2 - Please Check The Grammars, Vocabularies And Correct it For Me And Also Give An Estimate Band Score For This Essay. Many Thanks !

Question

TASK 1 The graph shows changes in the prices per kilogram of  various types of bread in Europe between 2001 and 2005.  The line graph compares the cost per kilograms of 4 different types of bread in Europe from 2001 to 2005.   Overall, it is evident that while the price of white bread and rye increased throughout the period, the cost of brown and whole meal had remained steady over the given period.   In 2001, the price of white bread was the lowest, at around 0,1 euros. In contrast, the cost of rye bread was exactly 0,6 euros. However, the price of white bread reached a peak of 1,2 euros, before declined significantly to about 0,5 euros. Then it climbed up again to reach approximately 0.7 euros. Despite the downturn in 2003, the price of the rye bread then peaked at about 1,1 euros in 2005.   On top of that, the price of brown and whole meal were similar, at around 0.5 euros, in 2001. Although the cost of brown bread had a rise of 0.1 euros over the period, the price of wholemeal saw a little change.166 words

Dongg Thieu · Accepted Answer

Sorry, I have a mistake, It is actually a Task 1 guys !

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph compares the price ~~cost~~ per kilograms of 4 (If a number is not a data value, and is small, write it in words.) different types of bread in Europe from 2001 to 2005. (Price and cost are not interchangeable here.)

Overall, ~~it is evident that~~ while the price of white bread and rye increased throughout the period, the cost of brown and whole meal ~~had~~ remained steady over the given period.

In 2001, the price of white bread was the lowest of the four types, at around 0,1 euros. In contrast, the cost of rye bread was the highest, at exactly 0,6 euros. (... was six times higher...) However, (Not a good transition word) the price of white bread reached a peak of 1,2 euros, before declined significantly to about 0,5 euros. Then it climbed up again to ~~reach~~ approximately 0.7 euros. Despite the downturn in 2003, the price of the rye bread then peaked (How do you know it was a peak?) at about 1,1 euros in 2005.

On top of that, (Not a good transition phrase) the price of brown and whole meal were similar, at around 0.5 euros, in 2001. Although the cost of brown bread had a rise of 0.1 euros over the period, the price of wholemeal saw a little change.

Observations / suggestions:

Rye bread was the most expensive type of bread over the period, except for an anomaly in 2002, when the price of white bread had spiked, increasing by a factor of 10 from the previous year. It also rose the most in percentage terms, nearly doubling from 0,6 in 2001 to 1,1 in 2005.

On the other hand, wholemeal was overall the cheapest, except in the year 2001, when white bread was one-fifth its price and brown bread was similarly priced.

The prices of brown and wholemeal breads stayed within a narrow range between 0,5 and 0,6 euro per kilogram.

Ielts Writing Task 2 - Please Check The Grammars, Vocabularies And Correct it For Me And Also Give An Estimate Band Score For This Essay. Many Thanks !

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