Ielts Writing Task 2 - PLEASE CHECK THE GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY, CORRECT IT AND ALSO GIVE ME AN ESTIMATE OF THE BAND SCORE FOR THIS ESSAY.

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Nowadays, people normally discuss about the plan they are going to do between the time of finishing high school and starting university study. In some developed countries, the young recently are supported to have a break between two periods to go to work or travel the new place. From my point of view, I believe that it is important for young people to develop communication, attain maturity and in this assignment, I will show that this way has both its benefits and drawbacks.

First of all, it can be denied that this way will get the well-prepared for young people before they have to decide on their own. Students in the high school sill have the huge supports from their parents while being freshmen in the university means that they are legally mature and have the full responsibility, obligation of adults. They can’t rely on their parents much as they used to when in high school and have to make up their own mind. But the step between being a children and being an adult is a long term and people normally need time to grow up gradually. So a short-break to work or travel will give them the chance to grow up and learn how to face to the realistic world. They can get a lot of experience at the workplace such as find out how to behave with the colleagues, develop their own relations… or have the possibility to ascertain culture, character, tradition from new regions.

Besides, there are some cons for young people who decide to break a short-time before going to the university. It is certain that breaking a short-time is contrary to the other’s ways - traditionally applying to a university immediately after finishing the high school. People who follow this way will don’t have to worry about spend their time on learning the knowledge at the high school again to catch up the lesson in the university, which approximately the gap-year student will have to do. Additionally, a recent survey questioned 100 people who have a gap-year about the ability of going back to school after a short-break. A surprising information from this survey revealed that 76 people who took part in review didn’t have intention to go back to school, which accounts for above 75%. All their reasons conclude that the break between 2 periods had raised their laziness and prevented them from return to school.

In a nutshell, as every coin has two sides, the gap-year has both its pros and cons. To me, the moment when people go to university is not as important as they finish their own university studies.