IELTS writing task 2. Please, check for me...

Topic: Exercise is important for our health, but are there things that are more important? Write your composition.

Nowadays, an increasing number of individuals are concerned about controlling a healthy and balanced body. Some people state that exercise is the most crucial for our health; others believe that there are things that are also important. I mainly agree with the later view for the following reasons.
First, there is no doubt that exercise is a pivotal part of life that will make us stay fit and healthy. Gymnastics helps us to consume calories, which can prevent several diseases away from us, such as obesity and dyslipidemia. Besides, dynamic people are often happier and more optimistic than non-active ones. When people are active, their body metabolizes with the external environment. Then, it promotes the flow of water and nutrients to the brain, which makes individuals feel fresh and joyful.
Moreover, not only exercise but diet and sleeping also have an impact on our health. For example, a person plays sport and does exercises regularly but eats many fast foods and also has sleep deprivation. As a result, he will get many diseases and become unable to concentrate on his work. A balanced diet provides us essential nutrients while sleeping is time for our body to rest and repair muscle, organs, and other cells. If we only take exercises but do not have a balanced diet and sleep well, we may get various diseases, even cancer.
In conclusion, many crucial factors influence our health. We not only need to do exercise but also sleep well and have a balanced meal every day. Only by doing so can we make sure that we are healthy.

Thank you for checking my essay. If you give me a band score like IELTS, I will much more grateful.

Thank you very much.