IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Parents and family background have more influence than teachers on a young person’s learning and academic achievement. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Hi, I'm Hien, I'm studying IELTS and aim to get the target band 6.0-6.5. My writing skill is pretty bad so I'm practicing this part. I do appreciate for your correction, advices and any suggestion for fortifying my level of writing. Thank you so much!

My essay:

In the education system, despite the same amount of knowledge, there is a clear division of students between the excellent learners and the bad ones. The supposal explanation for this difference is that young generation’s learning and academic goals are inclined to be affected by their parents and family roof rather than their teachers at school. I consider to be a proponent of this statement with the following reasons I tend to give.

Firstly, it is accepted that there is a genetic connection between the people’s intelligence and their parents. Therefore, it is possible to understand why many students are quick on the uptake, while the others are likely to be inappropriate to the academia, Although the latter accounts for approximately a half of total number of pupils at school, some of whom, who encounter the home issues such as the broken home, domestic violence,…, take their behavior to extremes including causing school violence.

On the other hand, the support and motivation of parents seem to play a main role in how children learn and achieve academically. Besides, parents are able to influence their child’s future in the far-reaching way by shaping their attitude, their way of thinking at the early age, which is due to the fact that the early childhood is the key stage in child’s development and experiences. With such factors, parents have a more significant impact on their children’s learning and academic achievement than the teacher’s.

To conclude, it is clear that the influence of parents and family background is considered as a base of the children’s behaviour. Later in life, they can have a selective mind that helps them to take the suitable things for their growth from people around comprising their teachers. Therefore, I’m convinced that family bond in general and parents in particular make a great effect on young people’s learning and success in the academic career.