IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ( OPINION ESSAY). I don't have anyone to help me correct the essay. Could someone kindly check it, please? If it's possible, may you give me a mark? Thank you so much!

Question

Topic: Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the main source of news for the majority of people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?Write at least 250 words.My essay:It is sometimes argued that although more people are reading the news on the Internet, newspapers will continue to be the primary source of information for the vast majority of people. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this view due to several reasons.Firstly, the ability to receive information and events via online news seems to be the primary reason that makes it preferable to newspapers. Whereas there is a lack of quick updating of traditional newspapers' information, news on the Internet is mainly the latest. Moreover, this is because online news contains a greater number of eye-catching images that attract readers than newspapers. Furthermore, in today's digital age, many individuals have technological gadgets to access online news from various media outlets, such as smartphones or tablets. That means they do not need to buy a newspaper to obtain news.Secondly, mass paper manufacturing is one of the major causes of environmental pollution. Normally, people's demand for paper is inherently high, so if the number of people using newspapers to read news increases, it will pose a threat to the environment. For example, several popular types of pollution are made by the paper industry, such as air pollution and water pollution. On the contrary, Internet news has no impact on environmental issues because of its eco-friendliness. For instance, readers just need a smart device with a stable network connection to read the news.In conclusion, it is undeniable that reading online newspapers is more suitable for the trend today because of their numerous advantages.

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

It is sometimes argued that although more people are reading the news on the Internet, newspapers will continue to be the primary source of information for the vast majority of people. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this. ~~view~~ (The pronoun "this" is perfectly suited. ) (The examiner knows you are going to support your position with reasons. This last bit is awkward.) ~~due to several reasons~~.

Firstly, First, the ~~ability~~ convenience and timeliness of receiving ~~to receive~~ information about ~~and~~ events (We do not receive events. We can learn about them or be aware of them, or be involved in them, but we cannot receive an event.) via online news seems to be the primary reason that makes it preferable to printed newspapers. Whereas there is a lack of quick updating of traditional newspapers' information, news on the Internet is mainly the latest. (That is very awkward and unwieldy. You can just write Whereas newspapers only come out and are distributed once a day, online news is published minute-by-minute. It has the very latest updates.) Moreover, ~~this is because~~ online news contains a greater number of eye-catching images that attract readers. ~~than newspapers~~. Furthermore, in today's digital age, many individuals have smartphones and tablets ~~technological gadgets~~ (Not a good phrase.) to access online news, so they can get it whenever they want, no matter where they are.. ~~from various media outlets, such as smartphones or tablets.~~ That means they do not need to buy a newspaper to obtain news. (Your ideas a good, but there is not much coherence and cohesion. You need to develop your ideas with personal examples. )

(Your next paragraph is off-topic. It is on "advantage" of online news, but it does not fit the topic of people's preferences on the source of news.

You could fix this by stating that 'People are more and more concerned about pollution. If they get a printed newspaper, they know that their action will be contributing to serious environmental problems.)

Secondly, Second, ~~mass~~ high-volume paper manufacturing is one of the major causes of environmental pollution. Normally, people's demand for paper is inherently high, so if the number of people using newspapers to read news increases, it will pose a threat to the environment. For example, several popular (Popular means that people like it a lot. Do people like certain types pollution?) types of pollution are made by the paper industry, such as air pollution and water pollution. On the contrary, Internet news (wrong phrase. I think you mean "accessing the internet" has no impact on environmental issues (wrong word, An environmental issue is a statement of a problem. Certainly internet news has articles about the most pressing environmental issues. They can raise people's awareness of the issues and they can take action against the root problem. However, the same is true for news in printed form. ) because of its eco-friendliness. (The following is not an example. It is just repeating what you wrote in the previous paragraph.) ~~For instance, readers just need a smart device with a stable network connection to read the news.~~

In conclusion, ~~it is undeniable that~~ (Avoid these useless "dummy-it" clauses.) reading online newspapers is more suitable for the trend (You never mentioned any trend in the body paragraphs. This does not make sense. Do not add new ideas in the conclusion.) today because of their numerous advantages. (Your conclusion is off-topic.)

In conclusion, as people get access to the internet, they will switch from reading a paper newspaper and get all the news that they need online. The main reasons for their choice are convenience of access, timeliness of the information, and concern about the environment.

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ( OPINION ESSAY). I don't have anyone to help me correct the essay. Could someone kindly check it, please? If it's possible, may you give me a mark? Thank you so much!

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