IELTS writing task 2 (music)

Question

Writing task 2You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than traditional music that is heard everywhere nowadays?You should write at least 250 words.Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.                                Writing task 2By the swift development of social media, the popularity of various types of music is an unrestricted expansion because of the recreational appetite for music nowadays. Although, the traditional music is no longer a worldwide entertainment phenomenon, it exudes the beautiful, valuable cultural traditions and patently, is more essential than commonplace international music.Initially, music is not only the shapeless panacea for stress but also a tool doing wonders for music industry. Apparently, we cannot negate the vastly high recreation it has granted in order to help us remove stress after working hard. Additionally, music industry has contributed to the economic development. For example, many Korean songs, which are popularised all over the world, attracting advertisers and viewers, bring the unprecedentedly immense revenue to the economy annually. Therefore, we need music for many different purposes.Is the importance of traditional folk music forgotten while the ubiquitous international music is heard nowadays? First, the traditional folk music frequently bearing profound implications in song lyrics which are transmitted by the previous generations has granted us many cultural values. For instance, some folk songs can tell us about historical civilisation in the past so as that we can feel the special beauty of our nations. Besides, folk music is a useful cornerstone for modern music development. Hence, the paramount importance of folk music is not merely for entertainment but it plays a pivotal role in national, cultural tradition development.In conclusion, music is necessary for our daily lives and industrial economics. Moreover, we cannot underestimate the importance of traditional music, albeit within the rapid growth of music in international markets.267 words, excluding the topic

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

By the swift development of social media, (I don't understand how the development -- web site programming -- of social network platforms has anything to do with the topic.) the popularity of various types of music is an unrestricted expansion (That makes no sense.) because of the recreational appetite for music nowadays. Although, ~~the~~ traditional music is no longer a worldwide entertainment phenomenon, (Inappropriate word usage.) it exudes the beautiful, valuable cultural traditions and patently, is more essential than commonplace international music. (Please write in simpler sentences, using solid, good, straightforward English. Your writing is incomprehensible. It does not address the question of "Why do we need music?" Write a good opening paragraph addressing this question

Music has been part of human society since ancient times. Music, together with dance, allows expression of emotions and love. It can be patriotic, uniting a culture or nation and inspire soldiers to fight for their country. With global communications, such as TV, radio and Youtube videos, music can be easily shared across cultures. Even though international music is very popular, it is important for traditional music to be played within every country. )

Initially, music is not only the ~~shapeless~~ panacea for stress but also a tool doing wonders for music industry. Apparently, we cannot negate the vastly high (wrong expression. You have used this before, and please take it out of your vocabulary. ) recreation it has granted in order to help us remove stress after working hard. Additionally, the music industry has contributed to ~~the~~ economic development. For example, many Korean songs, (Can you give one example? I don't know any Korean songs.) which are popularised all over the world, attracting advertisers and viewers, bring ~~the~~ unprecedentedly immense revenue to the economy annually. Therefore, we need music for many different purposes.

Is the importance of traditional folk music forgotten while the ubiquitous international music is heard nowadays? First, the traditional folk music frequently bearing profound implications in song lyrics (I struggle to figure out what you are trying to say.) which are transmitted by the previous generations has granted us many cultural values. (Do you mean this? The lyrics of traditional folk music, expressing the values of our culture, are passed down to us from previous generations. Their melodies are also very beautiful and give us feelings of happiness and beauty. ) For instance, some folk songs can tell us about historical civilisation in the past so as that we can feel the special beauty of our nations. Besides, folk music is a useful cornerstone for modern music development. Hence, the paramount importance of folk music is not merely for entertainment but it plays a pivotal role in national, cultural tradition development.

In conclusion, music is necessary for our daily lives and industrial economics. Moreover, we cannot underestimate the importance of traditional music, albeit within the rapid growth of music in international markets.

IELTS writing task 2 (music)

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