0
Julia nguyen Posted 4 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Ielts writing task 2: In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss...

It is well acknowledged that there are people who can earn much higher in comparison with the average income in society across the world. There are some arguments against this phenomenon, which go alongside the proposal for governments to set a maximum amount of money that an individual can be paid. However, this is not the case for me and below are some reasons to support my view.


On the one hand, many people approve to introduce a limit on earnings because they believe that a huge pay gap in a community is likely to cause a sense of disparity. These days, employees in some particular fields are offered the highest rates of payment on the labor market due to the huge demand for these workforces. As the result, this would demotivate workers in other occupations who feel that the situation is unfair, leading to the job – dissatisfaction n and therefore bad performances at work.


On the other hand, I am firmly convinced that an extremely high wage can benefit the region. Firstly, there is evidence that an attractive employee remuneration policy will make it easier for companies to employ the best experts in their fields to work for them. Technology companies such as Google, for example, are able to hire the most talented programmers because of the huge sums that they are willing to pay. Furthermore, excellent pay packages will encourage people to work harder and more productively, which strongly contributes to the success of any organization. All in all, these positive impacts described above would result in a thriving economy and increased tax revenues for the host country as well.

To conclude, while some people suggest that salaries should be capped under a certain level, I contend that this is unnecessary because the advantages of allowing employees to earn such a high salary can outweigh its drawbacks.


Thank you for your helpful comments!

  

Top answer

Hi Julia, You have some good ideas in your essay, but here are some comments from me: 1- You need to simplify your phrasing and write in a direct and concise manner. You wrote 309 words, and in the real exam, you may well not have enough time for that. Cut out the waffle and complicated sentences and focus on the ideas and how to structure your response, instead.

  • Hi Julia, You have some good ideas in your essay, but here are some comments from me: 1- You need to simplify your phrasing and write in a direct and concise manner.
  • You wrote 309 words, and in the real exam, you may well not have enough time for that.
  • Cut out the waffle and complicated sentences and focus on the ideas and how to structure your response, instead.
  • Take a look at my replies in the links below to see what I'm talking about.
  • htm 2- The topic sentence of a body paragraph should cover the scope of the entire paragraph; it should not be about just one point!
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

1 Answers
0

Hi Julia,

You have some good ideas in your essay, but here are some comments from me:

1- You need to simplify your phrasing and write in a direct and concise manner. You wrote 309 words, and in the real exam, you may well not have enough time for that. Cut out the waffle and complicated sentences and focus on the ideas and how to structure your response, instead. Take a look at my

Related Questions