[IELTS Writing Task 2] Help me correct this essay please!

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Human characters and evolution are indeed formed by various factors. While some argue that innate nature is the fundamental excuse, others insist on the element of life experiences. It seems to me that life events play a primary role in shaping one’s identity and improvement.

In the first place, the lifetime occurrence has huge emotional impacts on a human’s characteristics. Unquestionably, all good and bad times can affect the tendency of happiness or sadness towards the coming happenings. These valuable adventures act as life lessons to train attitudes and endurance. In particular, going through difficulties and challenges tend to form a strong and independent character. Moreover, living in love from families and friends can build an optimistic view of the world, regardless of ups and downs.

What is more, the lesson of experience also takes a heavy toll on awareness and perception. It is said that surrounding yourself with a culturally-supportive community is likely to constitute a modern and healthy mindset. A forward-looking attitude and wide knowledge can be learned and developed from them. Meanwhile, individuals of lower classes have distinctly fewer opportunities to approach educators or inspirers with positive and smart thoughts. Therefore, it is often advisable to make friends with well-educated people.

Taking everything into consideration, life experience could determine humans’ identity and progress dramatically. According to that, people should bravely confront different situations and types of people as much as possible.